Daybreak
by madxcrow
Summary: Bella knew what her life would be like if she turned around and got back on the plane to Arizona. She knew her mother and her moods and how far the woman could go. Charlie was the unknown. And what was that saying about the monster you know versus the one you don't? Didn't end well for the prey in either scenario.
1. Forks

Anxiety had Bella in a chokehold. Her knees were locked, her hands were sweaty, and she would be nose-diving right into full body shakes in a moment if she didn't get her shit together.

She could see Charlie through the opening and closing automatic doors. The rain was in drizzle mode- Bella assumed the native Washington folk didn't even register drizzles. She and her hair definitely did. But that was not why anxiety had gained sentience, took exception to her face, and then proceeded to try and murder her where she stood.

It wasn't even the new homestead, or the new high school she'd have to attend, or the new people she'd have to find a place in. It was Charlie. _Dad_, as he liked to be called. She had to remember that.

He was out in the rain, leaning against his cruiser, and waiting on her.

Bella knew what her life would be like if she turned around and got on a plane back to Arizona. She knew her mother and her moods and how far the woman could go. She knew how to navigate life and its obstacles, to some degree, back home.

Charlie was the unknown. And what was that saying about the devil you know versus the one you don't?

Probably didn't end well for the prey in either scenario.

Forks had to be better than Phoenix. Charlie had to be better than her mom. Right? It was a mantra Bella had repeated to herself the whole plane ride.

Forks _had_ to be better.

Bella would make it better. This was a new chance and she was not going to do her usual and screw it up.

Okay. She could do this. Anxiety had a tight hand around her throat but she could ignore it. Had to ignore. She couldn't fuck this up. Shoulders back, smile affixed to her face, and personality set to pleasantly neutral; she walked out of the automatic doors, into the drizzle, and towards her last chance.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Hey Bells." His voice was sweet and deep and everything she remembered from the random summers she'd been able to visit him. He stood up straight, smiled, and his arms outstretched.

Bella could only stumble back in response. Belatedly, she realized that he wasn't trying to swing at her—he was trying to hug her.

Shit. Shit. Damn it. Shit!

Face hot and red, Bella straightened and tried for a self-effacing smile.

"Sorry, I think I tripped over some loose gravel. I'm so clumsy." Which was what she told everyone. Every bruise and break was because she was just so clumsy. It was the code she lived by. She was clumsy and stupid and it was a wonder she'd made it this far in life.

Charlie smiled, like he wasn't sure if he should or not, and retracted his hands. Well, missed opportunity numero uno to get in his good graces. With any luck, she'd piss him off within the next thirty seconds and seal her fate. Bella gritted her teeth against the urge to cry in frustration with herself. Charlie had never once laid a hand on her in violence- and she was still unable to act like a normal damn person.

"Hey, Char—Dad." They'd never been close and she'd always called him by name when she talked about him, but he liked it when she called him dad. And Bella was going to start this new chance off right. She was going to make him like her if it killed her. So, _Dad,_ it was.

"Is this all?" He motioned to her carry on and the large suitcase behind her and Bella was proud that she only flinched a little. He had to stop using his hands to speak—they'd get along much better if he did.

"Yep." Bella cleared her throat and tried for another convincing smile.

She hadn't been allowed many things, and those things she did have were liable to be taken away as the first round of punishment. There were a lot of punishments. Charlie didn't need to get any ideas so she shrugged it off and shot another megawatt smile at him.

"I'm not a big pack rat."

"Here," Charlie was pretend-smiling again and it was making her stomach tie in knots. What crime had she committed already? She had to do better. "I'll take that."

"Oh, sorry." Bella handed over her suitcase and followed him to his idling cruiser. "Thank you."

He stuffed her suitcase in the trunk and walked around to open her door.

"I'm glad you're here, Bells." His face was serious and he put a careful hand on her shoulder. Bella, all smiles and bright eyes, nodded vapidly and agreed.

She got in the cruiser and tried to breathe through the tightening chokehold anxiety had on her. She could do this. So far so good, right?

Forks had to be better. It _had_ to be.


	2. Crazed Smiling Lunatic

"Well," Charlie was smiling with his arms outstretched looking both apprehensive and excited. "What do you think?"

"Wha- I… I." Panic began to sink its claws into her gut. She couldn't speak, couldn't think- was she even breathing?

What did she do?

No. No. No.

"It's not much but I figured it would get you to school and… well, anywhere else you want to go." He rubbed the back of his neck and turned to look at the rusted out tank of a truck.

"Dad, it's…" She couldn't do pleasantly neutral for this- that would just piss him off. She had to be at level ten with her gratitude and excitement. Anything else, if history were any kind of teacher, would incite violence "This is amazing!"

Her voice squeaked, her face was doing that crazed smiling lunatic thing that appeased her mother whenever she gave Bella anything at all. Bella had to be over the top grateful for the clothes on her back, the food in her belly, and for anything more than that, Bella had to grovel. Rene never gifted anything. Everything she gave was a punishment waiting to happen.

Bella could not deal with any more punishments. Especially not from Charlie.

No. No. No.

"You like it?" He turned to grin at her, hands on his hips and looking relieved. "Really?"

"I _love_ it." Bella's stomach curled. Moisture popped up on her forehead. Blood was rushing to her head and starting up a dull roar in her ears. "Thank you so much! This is so awesome- I can't believe you got me a truck!"

She hated it. _Loathed_ it.

Was he buying preemptive forgiveness? Did he intend to use the truck as leverage to keep her under his thumb? She had perfectly functioning legs- why couldn't she just walk everywhere?

"Wow- Dad- wow!"

Bella made sure to touch the damn thing. She touched the tires, pet the hood, and wrenched the driver side door open. Her hands shook as she gripped the steering wheel. Her skin crawled and she tensed when he moved to stand beside her on the driver's side- blocking the only quick exit.

She'd have to climb over the seats to get out the other side and then fight with the heavy door to even get it open before she could escape. Which gave him plenty of time to just reach out and grab her and drag her out by her hair, foot, arm- anything he could reach.

What if she wasn't showing enough gratitude? Charlie was bigger than her mother. He was taller and more muscled. When he hit her it would hurt so much more. Bella couldn't take another beating. Her bruises were still healing from the last time she'd been punished. It would hurt. Did she have the structural integrity to withstand one of his hits?

No. She would collapse from the inside out.

"Bells," She could just barely register his voice over the blood pounding in her ears. "Are you okay?"

"Oh um…" She was breathing too fast and he heard her. Her hands were shaking on the wheel and her vision was tunneling. Bella was about to have a full blown panic attack in front of God and country. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"Yes, I'm fine." Bella wiped at the tears running down her face and tried to get her breathing under control. "I'm just- I'm very happy and…" She needed to escape. "I'm sorry- I get really emotional sometimes. I just love it _so_ much." She needed to find a corner and hide. "If you'll excuse me… I'll go get a tissue."

"Sure, Bells." His voice was hesitant and unsure but he stepped back and Bella all but fled into the house.

Bella didn't know where she was going. Blind panic had her in a near run. She hadn't had time to find a safe space. Where could she go to panic? Where wouldn't he be able to find her?

"Fuck." She was in her room, the only spot in his house that was _hers_. But that didn't make it safe. There were no locks on the doors. He'd be able to barge in and beat the hell out of her whenever he wanted.

The bed was too out in the open. He could pull her out of it and just wail on her too easily. Under the bed was small but she'd been dragged out of smaller spaces. There was only one bathroom, she couldn't lock herself in there- it would probably only piss him off.

So... into the closet she went.

Bella pushed herself into the deepest corner, shut the door, and pulled all the clothes she'd hung up the day she'd arrived on top of her. Panic-Mode-Bella thought that the clothes would serve as a barrier that would somehow make her invisible to the human eye. It didn't actually but it gave her a small sense of security she desperately needed.

Bella curled into herself and tried to remember what that book had said about grounding and breathing exercises. Name three blue things? Breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth?

Uh… Blueberries. The ocean. Blue jeans.

Tears continued to stream down her face. Her quick uneven breaths felt like they were burning a hole in her lungs. Her limbs were still shaking.

Blue things did not help. Fuck.

Did they have to be in the room with her? What was the trick?

Whatever.

She would just ride it out.

It wasn't so much that Bella didn't expect to be hit. It was just that, like the naive little girl she actually was deep down, she _really_ hoped she wouldn't be. Which was pathetic. Much like Bella herself.

Pathetic.

Stupid.

Clumsy.

Waste of space.

Fuck.

_No_.

She'd read about this. She was supposed to be nice to herself. Which was so much more difficult than it sounded. But she had to try. She didn't want to be Phoenix-Bella anymore. She wanted to be Forks-Bella.

Forks-Bella would be strong. She'd be confident and valued by someone. Forks-Bella wouldn't get hit. She would keep out of Charlie's way until graduation and then Forks-Bella would be out of Forks and the entire pacific northwest altogether.

Bella didn't know what she'd been expecting out of Charlie when her mother had told her to pack her shit and get the hell out. Definitely not the Movie-Dad she used to dream about when she was six and so much more… _stupid_ was too harsh a word. Hopeful? Gullible? Naive?

Movie-Dad was the kind of Dad that would buy her ice cream, take her to amusement parks, and impart fatherly wisdom on occasion. Movie-Dad would never yell at her. Movie-Dad would never ever hit her- even when she really deserved it. Her six-year-old self had prayed for that Movie-Dad to swoop in and take her far away.

Charlie wasn't Movie-Dad. He hadn't swooped in. There had been no rescue. What had actually happened was that she'd endured and survived her mother for years with minimal contact from Charlie. Then her mother had discovered a new fixation, Phil, and had shaken Bella off the first chance she got. Charlie just happened to be the first available option with a spare bedroom.

Maybe what she'd been expecting when she got on the plane to Forks was… either a whole lot of something or a whole lot of nothing. Which maybe didn't make much sense, but there it was.

_A whole lot of something_ would be life as she knew it in Phoenix; a constant cycle of really really good times- times that would make Bella doubt that there were ever bad times- and really really bad times.

Bella was tired of the _whole lot of something_ life.

She would very much prefer the _whole lot of nothing_ possibility. Which would consist of Charlie tolerating her presence until she turned eighteen. Bella would earn her keep with chores and cooking and he would leave her alone.

However, Charlie was not performing as expected.

In the three days they'd spent together he'd never rose his voice, never tried to swing at her, and hadn't even batted an eyelash when she'd burned breakfast.

Instead, the man tried to make conversation with her, asked her opinion on things, and bought her a truck- seemingly out of the kindness of his heart.

Bella couldn't figure him out. It was scary and nerve-wracking. She was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to snap and smack her, yell at her, threaten her, look at her sideways- _anything_.

He was calm and controlled.

Which was somehow more terrifying.

Bella could almost breathe normally now. The tears finally stopped and left itchy dried tracks down her face but she wasn't ready to leave the relative safety of the closet.

_Charlie hadn't tried to hit her in the truck_.

The thought itself was almost like a kick in the head. He hadn't been trying to hit her. He hadn't been even a teensy bit aggressive or moody. Charlie hadn't seemed all that interested in the amount of gratitude she'd been all but projectile vomiting. Panic-mode Bella had seen Renee in her minds eye and flashed back to every time the woman had _gifted_ her something. Panic-mode Bella been sure Charlie was going to hit her.

But he hadn't.

He hadn't even followed her into the house and demanded that she sing his praises for being a generous father. He hadn't burst into her room and pulled her out of whatever hiding spot her frenzied mind had found. He hadn't smacked her around until her teeth cut into her cheeks and she was spitting blood. He hadn't gotten out his belt to put welts and cuts all over her legs and back. He hadn't even yelled about how ungrateful and pathetic she was.

Maybe Charlie wasn't like her mother?

Maybe Charlie wasn't going to beat her.

No, three days was not long enough to judge a person's character. Three days was not long enough to see his true colors. But for now, for this moment, she wasn't going to get hit.

Which made for an almost comforting thought as she drifted off to sleep curled up in the back of her closet.


	3. Escape

Bella had been intent on leaving Forks as soon as she received her diploma. She'd had a plan- a solid foolproof plan where she would keep her head down and be out of Forks and across the continental US in two years.

She was a junior- or would be if she ever made it to her new high school. Which she had yet to do.

Bella sat in her truck just outside the city limits, staring at the sign that read, _Leaving Forks_.

_Escape!_ She needed to get out while she still had the chance. It had been a chant in her head since Renee had called the night before and made threats about bringing Bella back to Pheonix.

_She needed to escape._

Who and what was stopping her? Renee was all the way in Phoenix. Charlie thought she was at school. She had a truck and enough cash to get her through a couple of states. What was stopping her from putting the tank of a truck into drive and just fucking leaving? Why couldn't she just keep driving until Forks was long gone and she could disappear? Why couldn't she make herself leave?

The problem was _her_. She was a coward.

She was too chickenshit to go through with it. Bella had been parked in the same spot for the past three hours; hands shaking, heart in her throat, and on the verge of yet another panic attack. She wanted to leave- _needed_ to leave. Renee was going to make good on her threats and haul Bella's ass back to Phoenix.

Bella couldn't do that again. Now that she had the choice, she would never go back. Which meant she had to leave while she still had the chance.

Right?

Who needed a high school education nowadays? College had always been a laughable thought anyway- Renee would never let her go. Bella was too young to sign any rental agreements so it would be hotel living for a couple of years. The jobs she could get with no work experience were only going to be shit jobs with even shittier pay. Which meant Bella would be an impoverished high school dropout stuck in a dead end job with no future and no hope of anything better. But that was all better than getting dragged back to Pheonix.

Right?

"Ugh," Bella flung open the door and stepped into the drizzle. "Fuck." The sudden cold helped to beat back the hot wave of panic washing over her.

Okay. So. She had three options here.

Option numero uno: get back in the truck and disappear into the ether. She'd cut ties with everyone she ever knew, including Charlie, and start a new life on the east coast somewhere. Renee wouldn't be able to get to her if she didn't know where she was. Bella would be safe.

Option numero dos: continue to be the hapless victim of her mothers every whim and do nothing but wait for her mother to come and collect her. Bella would be back to playing the human punching bag and living in a constant state of dread trying to anticipate her mother's sudden and violent bouts of rage.

Option numero tres: go to school and make friends with someone. She'd cook Charlie's favorite meal and put him in a good mood before she told him. She would tell him everything. Then she'd have a chance to gauge his reaction and decide if she stayed or disappeared.

Option one would be great in theory but the truck wouldn't make it far and Bella didn't have much money to her name. Option two was terrifying and the most likely of the three- just on the basis that Bella was a coward and terrified of her mother. Option three was the best one of the lot but Bella didn't think she could tell Charlie _everything_.

It was too much and too humiliating and terrifying and… and just _too_ much.

Maybe she could be subtle and sly about it. Maybe she could bring up the subject and gauge his thoughts on the matter without actually telling him anything. Or maybe she could endear herself to him. Maybe get him to like her so much that he would tell Renee to fuck off and actually keep her this time.

"Huh." Bella turned her face up to the grey clouds and let the cold drizzle soak her thoroughly.

Option three, it was.

Bella would go to class and make friends, possibly even a close friend. She'd get Charlie to like her somehow and then break the news.

"Okay," Bella felt a sense of direction. If she had a goal she could focus on, then maybe she could pull her shit together long enough to accomplish it.

Decision finally made, Bella climbed into her truck and drove back into town. She mentally prepared for the upcoming human interaction during the short drive. She was Forks-Bella now. Forks-Bella was nice and pleasant and confident as all fuck. She could make friends and do normal high school things. The books she'd been reading about mental health all said that healthy people had friendships. She could do that.

_Friends_ could be yet another goal to focus on. Bella practiced her pleasantly neutral smile in the rearview mirror at stop signs and went over all the small talk topics she knew as she drove.

It was easy enough to find the school but a bit more difficult to convince the secretary in the front office that she wasn't, in fact, skipping class but had overslept due to time zones and jet lag. She only felt a little guilty for lying. She was given her class schedule and directed to the cafeteria.

Doubt settled in her gut and made her knees wobble. Maybe she'd made the wrong choice. Maybe the right choice was the get the hell out of Forks.

"Okay," Bella pulled her shoulders back as she ignored the panic eating away at her calm. She was confident. Confident people walked with their shoulders back and heads up. "You can do this."

_Escape! She needed to escape!_

No. She could do this. This was the best option she had and she had made the right choice. Hopefully.

Confident-Bella turned a corner and promptly slammed her forehead into a brick wall. Pain splintered down her face as her nose throbbed and her eyes watered. Through the blur of tears in her eyes, she saw that it wasn't a brick wall but a blond dude.

"Oh shit," Bella stepped back and held her pulsing face. What, did he have a cement block under his shirt? "Sorry. Wasn't watching where I was going."

"You're bleeding." His voice was deep and raspy.

"Shit, really?" Bella wiped at her nose. There was very little blood but it would start gushing soon if she didn't find a tissue. Maybe now was the perfect opportunity to try and make those friends. "Hi," Bella smiled what she thought was a friendly smile and stretched her hand out.

People shook hands right? Was that weird? She wasn't going in for a job interview. Should she pretend she was swatting a fly? Going in for a high five? Nope, that would probably be weirder. Too late to change course now, Bella leaned into the overly formal greeting and hoped to hell he wouldn't think she was a weirdo.

"I'm Bella. Nice to…"

Blondie froze for a fraction of a moment, did an utterly graceful one-eighty, and all but ran in the opposite direction.

Bella could only blink after his retreating form. She hadn't even gotten a good look at his face. Was he actually blond? The impression in her brain from their very short encounter was that he was hard to look at. Which could mean he was either breathtakingly ugly or awe-inspiringly pretty. Judging from his backside… well, he was too far away to judge.

Did she stink? Why had he taken off so fast? Belatedly she retracted her hand that was still hanging in the air and tried for a surreptitious sniff at her pits. Had she forgotten to put on deodorant? Nope, she smelled nothing but a _Spring Breeze_ or the approximation of what her deodorant manufacturer claimed a spring breeze to smell like.

So then… what the fuck?

Bella wiped at her nose again and a lot more blood showed on her hand. Maybe he was one of those people that fainted at the sight of blood?

Bella was going to _choose_ to believe that he was wary of blood and didn't want to faint in public and _not_ that her smell inspired people to run in the opposite direction.

She had head-butted his chest. Maybe the combination of the blood and physical attack was too much for him.

Bella found a tissue in the restroom and stuffed the waded piece in her nostrils as she contemplated her friend-making approach.

She would treat that as a dry run of sorts and learn from it. Next time she would not headbutt a potential friend. Or bleed on them. Or try and shake their hands like some eighty-year-old man.

Feeling more prepared Bella continued into the cafeteria. It was crowded and loud. There was a short line around the food area and full tables all around the room. Oh god, she had to find somewhere to sit- someone to sit with. How had she forgotten that particular bit of hell on earth? As soon as she cleared the doors and scanned the room a table in the back stood as a group and exited the building at a speed Bella thought reminiscent of a certain blond gentleman.

She couldn't help but feel like _she_ was the reason for the abrupt departure.

Maybe one failed human interaction was enough for one day?

Bella turned on her heel and spent the rest of the lunch period familiarizing herself with the school libraries small collection. It was very difficult not to give in to the urge to escape. It would be so easy to just hop in her truck and go. The sharp-eyed librarian made it more difficult not to simply slip away. Someone would notice. Maybe that someone would tell Charlie. It was a small town, after all.

She found her assigned class, Honors English, fairly quickly. A familiar blond head was seated in the back of the class and was staring out of the windows on the opposite side of the room. She was both embarrassed to see him again and relieved that she had another chance to attempt a conversation. Bella bypassed the teacher at the front of the room and headed straight for Blondie.

Weather. Sports scores. Lunch. What else was there to talk about?

Bella was mentally forming her conversation topics when he turned to look at her.

All coherent thought drained out of her head. Any thoughts she'd entertained about him being ugly were forgotten. He was tall and lean with honey blond hair that fell just above his shoulders. His face was perfect. High cheekbones, long dark blond eyebrows sat above dark eyes that were framed with darker eyelashes. His jawline could cut glass. How could one person be that ridiculously beautiful?

Who _needed_ to be that beautiful? That much pretty was purely for intimidating the less genetically blessed.

Bella was so engrossed in his face that she didn't see that the edge of the carpet was curled up from age. Her foot, of course, caught the edge of it and sent her careening forward. She could do nothing but flail pathetically as she catapulted towards blondie. A pair of cold hands caught her elbows and kept her from full body tackling him out of his seat but he could do nothing about the momentum of her upper half. Her face rocketed forward and cracked into his head with a crunch that she felt in her toes.

Jesus H. Christ. That _hurt_.

Pain engulfed her senses. Tears poured down her cheeks, her forehead pulsed, and her nose was a throbbing mass of hurt. But abject mortification burned away the initial shock and pain enough for her to get a word out.

"Oh my god," Bella's head felt like she'd split it open, she couldn't imagine what his felt like. "I didn't see the carpet. I'm _so_ sorry."

"You're bleeding again." His voice was tight and his dark eyes were now glaring daggers at her.

"Shit." Bella turned back towards the teacher's desk and found a box of tissue. She plucked two out, waded them, and stuffed them in her nostrils.

"Isabella Swan?" The man was middle-aged with a gut and enough wrinkles around his mouth and eyes to reassure Bella that he was good-natured.

"Yeah, that's me." She tried to smile through the pain. "Bella is what I go by."

"Are you alright? Do you need to go to the nurse?" He looked reluctant to step closer. Like he was afraid she had some kind of disease and he didn't want to catch it.

"No," Bella shook her head and immediately regretted the action. Pain lanced down her neck and splintered up her skull. "It's just a nose bleed."

"Okay," He smiled and motioned towards the kid she'd just assaulted with her head. _Again_. "You can take the desk behind Jasper Hale, the gentleman in the... two, three... fourth desk from the front over there."

Exactly where she didn't want to be. _Fan-fucking-tastic_.

"Okay, thanks." Bella followed his directions, this time carefully skirting around the curled carpet, and avoided looking at Jasper Hale altogether.

She sat in her desk, as carefully as possible, and watched Jasper sit forward in his chair, as far away from her as he could get. Well, so much for making friends.

Bella spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between cradling her face, dying from embarrassment, and fighting the urge to leave for good. As the day progressed her head hurt a little less and the mortification ebbed just a little. Which gave her ample time to panic about her choices.

_She needed to escape while she could! _The thought was loud in her brain.

Which was how she found herself in the parking lot before the last class of the day, loitering at the driver's side door of her tank.

She'd decided on a plan and she was going to stick to it. Even if she would rather lie down on the ground and let the truck roll over her again and again before telling Charlie everything. Bella crouched near a delicate-looking silver car parked next to her truck and did what she did with all the feelings she couldn't deal with- she ignored them. Or stuffed them in a dark corner of her mind to be dealt with later.

_Escape!_

In lieu of escaping, Bella went through what she could possibly say to Charlie. She could just lay it all out there with a, "Hey Dad, so you know how you let mom have me in the divorce? Well, she's severely mentally unwell and beat me black and blue up until the point that she dumped me off on you. If you let her take me back to Phoenix she will pick up right where she left off and I don't think I will survive it."

That was... _maybe_ a bit too much.

Maybe if he saw one of the many scars on her he'd ask her about it. Then Bella could just casually drop it into the conversation. "Oh, that scar? Mom forgot to take off her ring when she punched me in the face for not shutting the car door quick enough. Oh, these long ones on my back and legs? She was so enraged one day that she grabbed a lamp and used the cord on me until I had bloody lashes all over. _That_ was a fun day."

_Escape!_

A shadow fell over her (or what passed for a shadow in Forks- seeing as how there was no sun whatsoever and shadows were all just slightly grayer than the lighting) and Bella glanced up to see Jasper Hale staring down at her with an utterly flummoxed expression on his ridiculously beautiful face. For a long moment, his face forced every other thought from her head. How did anyone get anything done or thought with his face the way it was?

Bella straightened from her crouch and tried her best to look non-threatening. She was all of five feet and four inches and maybe a hundred and forty pounds soaking wet. Non-threatening shouldn't be _that_ hard to accomplish. But Bella had assaulted him with her head two times in less than an hour.

"Wait!" When he took a step away from her, Bella flung up her hands and tried very hard to look like anything but a threat. "I promise I won't hurt you- and look, I'm not bleeding."

It had been meant to reassure him but, if anything, he looked even more perplexed.

Bella didn't know what to say next. Should she… give him money? For damages to his person. Hug him? Pat his back? Track down a first aid kit? Bella didn't have friends and Renee hadn't even attempted to coddle Bella when she was hurt- so she had not the first clue as to how to handle this frightened highschooler.

Maybe apologize again?

"I'm sorry for… well for maiming you today. I'm not usually _that_ clumsy."

"It's okay- I am unharmed." His voice was deep and had a certain lilt to it that Bella couldn't place.

Bella was transfixed on his face again until she realized he was holding his breath. Did she actually smell?

He made a motion with his hand that Bella assumed was supposed to be a wave, opened the passenger door of the fragile looking silver car, and slid in. Then almost as soon as he'd shut the door he opened it again and stepped out.

"Wrong side." He looked both frazzled and embarrassed as he gently closed the door and walked around to the other side.

"Ha." Bella was mentally cringing at the sheer amount of awkward happening. "Yeah. I do that sometimes too."

Which was a lie- Bella had had a truck for all of 24 hours which didn't give her much of a chance to do anything quite so embarrassing. But Bella was trying to make things less fucking awkward. He didn't respond, only got in the correct door this time, pulled out of the space, and sped away.

_Eeesh_.

So that was _not_ a successful human interaction.

He was obviously terrified of her.

Bella got into her own vehicle and didn't have even the smallest tremor of panic shoot through her system at the thought of going back to Charlie's house. All that _awkward_ had pushed everything else out.

What the hell was Jasper Hale's problem? Did she actually stink? Why was she so bad at basic human interaction? How was she supposed to face him tomorrow?

The feelings of panic and dread only really hit her when she was parked in Charlie's driveway and staring at the front door.

No, she wouldn't escape just yet. She had a plan, a solid plan.

She'd make his favorite meal. Be as quiet or talkative as he wanted. Compliment his house, gush about Forks, and wax on about how much she didn't want to leave. Then, somehow, talk about the shit that gave her nightmares and horrible panic attacks without freaking out.

A solid-_ish_ plan.


	4. Sprung A Leak

Bella walked into Charlie's house with purpose, confident people did things with _purpose_\- at least that's what that article on '_Cultivating Your Own Confidence_' had claimed. Confident people dealt with their issues. And Bella was bound and determined to put a stop to the nightmares that plagued her and the horrible panic attacks that were becoming more frequent. Which meant she'd been reading a lot of self-help books and articles centered around healing from childhood trauma and abuse.

As much as she'd read and as often as she'd tried to put the reading to use- it just seemed like she was getting worse. It was one thing to recognize the problem and try to help herself but it was an entirely other thing to actually believe in all of the things her mother had always said was bullshit.

It was hard to tell herself, let alone _believe_, that she was valued and loved and worth the oxygen she used. Hadn't Renee told her time and time again that she was nothing? If even her own mother didn't think Bella was worth-

No. She was going to get better goddamnitall. It was her life and Renee wasn't going to run it anymore. If she needed to have confidence and love herself, she sure as hell was going to do just that. Or at least fake it well enough to get by. So Bella took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, notched her chin up, and ignore the slight tremor in her hands.

If Charlie thought she was a piece-of-shit-waste-of-space-good-for-nothin'-dumbass with not even one redeemable quality- then that's what he thought. She wouldn't be able to change his mind. But what she could do was give him all the facts and see what he did with that information.

All she had to do was be prepared to run.

The key was a problem. If he took it from her, she would be up shit creek without a paddle. Bella couldn't keep it on her person and hiding it anywhere in the house or the truck was too risky. Her only option was to hide it in the woods. Bella marched into the forest, still faking her confidence, found a tree she would remember even in the dark, and placed the key on the lowest branch.

All the little hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.

Was someone watching her?

Shit, was Charlie back? Bella whirled around and scanned the area. Not a soul in sight. But if Charlie got home and saw her coming out of the trees- he'd know something was up. Bella hurried back to the house trying to move quickly and also not look suspicious, just in case he was watching her through the window.

Panic crawled up her spine and made her hands shake. She'd have no options if she was caught. Charlie was bigger than her mother. He would hit harder. Bella didn't think she could survive one of his hits. If he caught on to her plan she would be stuck in a worse situation than the one she'd escaped.

Bella held her breath as she rounded the house, looking for his police cruiser in the driveway. Only her big rusted out truck sat in the drive.

"Oh thank fucking Christ." Relief ebbed through her system and she could breathe again. The panic rececced and Bella felt triumphant. Her plan was going to work and she'd kind of fought off a panic attack.

Kind of.

"Ha. Not today Satan." She was still going to count it as a win.

Bella turned on her heel and all but ran for the house. She needed to get dinner in the oven and tidy up the house. He needed to be in the best possible mood if her plan was going to work. It was almost impossible to predict Renee's mood but whenever Bella had the house perfect and dinner on the table, she tended to be more forgiving.

Charlie wasn't Renee.

He hadn't yelled at her or hit her or even chastised her. Yet. They'd really only lived together for four-ish days. His true colors wouldn't shine through until at least a month into cohabitation. Or until she did something he thought was a punishable offense.

But she if she told him what Renee had done to her- maybe just a few things, telling him _everything_ was a bit much and left her too vulnerable- then she could gauge his reaction and know if she needed to be gone or if she could finish high school first.

Bella put together a casserole and was very careful to measure precisely. Renee had always claimed she could tell when Bella hadn't put enough effort into cooking and had punished her for it. Charlie, by god, would have nothing to complain about.

Once it was in the oven Bella focused on tidying his house.

Charlie wasn't a slob, the place didn't need much cleaning. The kitchen had been neat and clean when she'd arrived. The house was old but there weren't even layers of dust on unused surfaces. The bathroom had even been clean. Which meant he had cleaned for her arrival or he was just a tidy person. He had a few things lying about that she gathered and brought to his room.

She'd never been in the room before. Would he expect her to keep his room clean? It was tidy, like the rest of the house. A desk was tucked against the far wall with his locked gun cabinet beside it. His closet door hung open and gave her a look at his neatly organized bed was pushed against the closest wall. Framed pictures and books littered most available surfaces. The pictures were mostly of Bella at different stages in her life.

Huh.

Had he actually thought about her before Renee had dumped her on his doorstep? Renee had always told Bella that Charlie hadn't wanted custody of Bella in the divorce. Bella examined the frames carefully. There were a lot of Bella when she was young and still with Charlie and a lot of pictures from the random summers she'd been allowed to visit. They looked happy in the frames.

Maybe Charlie _had_ wanted her?

No. That was too naive and hopeful for her liking. Charlie, Bella had to remind herself, had rarely called. He'd never sent a birthday card or even tried to make contact on Christmas. Her willfully ignorant seven-year-old self was trying to grab at straws. There was no movie-dad.

Bella shook off the ridiculous wistful feeling that washed over her and went to his bedside table to peek at the book titles. Maybe they had similar genre preferences and she could endear herself to him that way.

"_Parenting a Teen Girl_" and "_The Confident Child: Raising Children to Believe in Themselves_" sat on his bedside table. Bella's throat tightened and her eyes burned. The books were dog-eared and the pages were marked up with highlighter. Her vision went blurry and her hands started shaking.

He was… he was- he'd read parenting books? He'd gone out and spent money on her- he'd been studying how to parent her? He'd read about… in his free time? He'd read- he was trying to be a good parent? He'd used a highlighter and turned down the corners of some pages so he could refer back to them.

Like she was important to him- like maybe she was important enough to spend time and money on. Like maybe... she mattered to him?

Tears rained unchecked down her face. Bella had been conditioned to cry quietly; if she made a sound Renee would just hit her harder- or worse, she'd find Bella's hiding spot. So she sat on the floor and cried silently into the books in her hands until she realized her casserole was still in the oven.

Bella carefully put the books back, wiped at the tears, and ran to get dinner out of the oven before it burned. Renee had had severe punishments for late or burned dinner. She didn't want to test Charlie's thoughts on the matter.

She _mattered_ to him?

The heat from the oven warmed the tears on her face as she pulled the casserole out.

Maybe Charlie had wanted custody of her. _Maybe_ he didn't think she was a piece of shit money pit that he was responsible for.

Bella had to get her shit together.

She had to stop crying and stop thinking for just a moment. The plan didn't change. She still didn't know him and didn't want to find his breaking point. She would stop crying. She would cover the casserole so it wouldn't be cold by the time he got home. She would stick to her plan and be ready to escape.

And she would

Stop.

Crying.

"Fuck!" Bella wiped at the tears still pouring down her face. She was probably all red and blotchy now. "Fucking stop crying, you dumbass."

Bella pressed the backs of her hands into her eyes and held her breath. Still, tears ran down her face like she'd sprung a leak. She needed to think of something else. _Anything_ else.

_Jasper Hale_.

Bella forced herself to recall the different events in which she'd humiliated herself. She remembered ramming his chest with her head so hard that she'd given herself a nose bleed- _that_ had been just fan-fucking-tastic. Or better yet, trying to rugby tackle him out of his seat and bashing her skull into his hard enough to give herself another nosebleed and a mild concussion.

Bella was going to blame that last one on his face. He had such a stupidly pretty face. Her brain had melted and drained out of her ears- his face had rendered her blind to the old carpet. His face was at fault- not Bella.

The tears slowed as Bella cringed in fresh shame and humiliation.

Dear God, how was she supposed to show her face at school again?

She remembered Jasper Hale sliding into his car through the passenger side and keeping all the bits of himself angled as far away from her as he could.

Jasper Hale getting back out of the car and skirting around it like she had the plague and he didn't want to catch it.

The tears stopped and Bella couldn't help but laugh out loud at that particular thought. He'd been so awkward. He'd been flustered and so so so very awkward. Was he normally that _awkward_ or did getting assaulted with her head have something to do with it?

Bella put her face under the kitchen faucet and let the cold water wash away the tear tracks. The water cooled her down and helped to ground her. She could think again. She dried her face and heard Charlie's cruiser crunch on the gravel outside.

"Shit!" Bella rushed to set the table. Maybe she should put a beer on the table for him? But she didn't know if that improved his mood or not. Did he get mean when he drank? "Shit, shit, shit, shit."

She put a cup of sweet tea at his place and heard the scrape of the key in the lock as if she were standing right next to the door. Bella's heart pounded in her chest. Her throat burned and all the wet parts of her face she'd missed when drying it suddenly felt too cold.

She could do this. She had a plan.

The door opened and Charlie stepped into the house. The bottom dropped out of her stomach and Bella could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Heya Bells." When his eyes landed on her he smiled. A happy smile. The happy reached his eyes. "Did you make dinner again?"

"Yes," Somehow her mouth was working and sounding chipper. Pleasantly-Neutral-Bella was as automatic as breathing. "I hope you like tuna casserole."

"Smells great!" He smiled again as he chucked off his work gear and made his way further into the house. "But you don't need to cook Bells, really. Or clean. I can handle that much."

"But you work all day." Was this a test? Would he come home tomorrow and punish her for not cooking? "I just thought you might like to rest when you got home."

"That's very thoughtful of you." He grinned and walked into the kitchen and surveyed the table. "You even set the table. Bells, this looks great."

She smiled and waited for him to sit while fighting the urge to tuck tail and run. He went to the kitchen and washed his hands in the sink.

"You're even a clean cook." He looked around the kitchen and looked impressed. "Not a dish in the sink or even a cooking mess on the counters. How do you manage that?" He turned back to cock his head at her. "I always make a mess cooking."

Bella smiled and shrugged, not sure what he wanted her to say. She watched as he took his seat and followed his lead.

"Here, let me serve you up." He took her plate and scooped a hefty portion on it. "More?"

"No, that's good. Thank you." She smiled and folded her napkin into her lap as he served himself. He seemed cheerful enough but that might change when he didn't like the casserole. Bella held her breath when he took the first bite. She was ready to run. She had a plan. He would be caught off guard if she just bolted for the door.

"Bells, this tastes really good." He grinned at her again, looking sincere and already forking another bite. "You are a great cook."

"Thank you." Bella smiled at him and poked at her food. "I was in charge of dinner with mom so I've got lots of practice."

"Yeah? Well, you're great at it." He forked another bite and then leaned towards her. "I probably don't look like it, but I'm something of a cook myself."

"I can imagine. You keep the pantry stocked with lots of great stuff." Bella smiled and tried to look like she wasn't leaning away. Was he trying to get within smacking distance?

"I'd actually love to cook for you tomorrow." He sat forward again. "How do you feel about chicken tacos?"

Something in her chest tightened. Was this another test? Did he want her to tell him, no she would gladly do all of the cooking and cleaning?

"Don't look so scared. I'm actually a great cook- you get that gene from me." He laughed and went back to eating.

"Okay," Bella cleared her throat and tried not to sound panicked, "I mean yeah, I love chicken tacos."

"Then we can go to the diner on Wednesday. They've got the best cobbler. I think you'll really enjoy it."

"Yeah?" Bella took a bite and tried to figure out how she was going to work her trauma into the conversation.

"I was thinkin' that maybe... if you wanted to…" Charlie rubbed the back of his head and looked… hopeful? "I could excuse you from school on Friday and we could go fishing together?"

Dumbstruck, mouth half open, Bella didn't know what to say. Was this a test? He looked too hopeful. It seemed like he actually wanted her to go. He wanted to spend time with her? Suddenly the books on his bedside table were swirling around in her brain and threatening to overwhelm her again.

"Only if you wanted to." He suddenly looked so unsure. "I wouldn't make you gut the fish or anything. We could throw them back even. I thought you might like the stillness of the lake in the early morning. We could have a picnic lunch and maybe go bird watching after? I mean, I know it's your first week of school here so I understand if you don't want to."

He wanted to spend time with her?

"Yes, I would love to. That sounds really fun." Bella let herself smile at him as he visibly relaxed.

"Yeah," He grinned back. "I'll get everything together. Don't worry about a thing. You have a warm coat right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

She _mattered_ to him.

No. She couldn't tell him. Not yet. Maybe not ever.


	5. Moth to Flame

Jasper Whitlock sat in his adoptive brothers Volvo, idling just outside of town as he mentally went over the events of the day. He'd ditched his siblings at the high school. Edward would be annoyed that Jasper had taken his car but it was either take the car and drive as far away from that god blessed human as he could or lie in wait in some dark corner for the human and suck all the life out of her.

Jasper had chosen the former.

And that was only mostly because he was too embarrassed to face her again. Even just to kill her.

God, the awkwardness had been excruciating. Jasper had had to decide what would be less embarrassing after he realized that he'd gotten in on the wrong side of the damn car: climb over the gear shift and into the driver's seat or just get out of the vehicle altogether and try again. Neither option had been great but he had definitely picked wrong.

He was _supposed_ to be the tactician in the family- not the bumbling fool that couldn't enter vehicles correctly.

He could only hope that Alice hadn't seen the interaction in her visions. If Alice had seen it, Edward inevitably would too and then Emmett would hear about it and never let him live it down.

_Never_ was a long time when eternity described a lifespan.

Had he ever been that flustered and embarrassed in his vampire life? Hell, even in his human one? No.

How she'd managed to catch him off guard not once, not twice, but _three_ goddamn times in a matter of hours was beyond him.

He decided to blame Alice for the first incident. She'd been aggravated the last couple days with his suddenly blurry and indistinct future. She'd lost his future-self sometime during the weekend and have been driving him up a wall with her nonstop muttering. Alice with an uncertain view of the future was like an alligator with lockjaw. She just wouldn't let go of it- Alice was accustomed to seeing all and tolerated nothing less. The muttering would have been ignorable if it wasn't for the fact that the only thing she muttered was his name. As if she said his name enough it would conjure his future and she'd finally be able to concentrate on something else.

And even the whispered mutterings had become ignorable as the days wore on. But she'd gasped his name during the first incident, she was three buildings away, but he'd heard her clear as day. It had distracted him enough that he'd glanced over his shoulder, x-ray vision was not in his skill set but he'd looked out of reflex, and had stepped into that damned human's path.

Which, okay, he'd acknowledge that putting the blame on Alice was a copout- but she sure as hell was a contributing factor.

He'd mostly been distracted by the flood of intense emotions that had been assaulting his senses for the better part of an hour. He'd get flashes of panic, terror, and the all-consuming need to _escape_. Those were followed closely by a feeling of determined resolve and a sense of false bravado. Both dissolved quickly in the chaos of the stronger emotions.

He'd been paying attention to untangling the wild emotions and pinpointing the human projecting such dark chaos instead of using his vampire senses and getting the hell out of the way of walking temptation.

Then there was the blood. Christ on a stick- the _blood_. She'd smelled delicious. The human had smelled like coming home to a warm house with a big meal set on the table after months of nothing but gruel and biscuits. She'd smelled like every delicious thing he'd ever eaten as a human, all combined into one small utterly defenseless little package.

It had been difficult to fight the thirst when her nose started to bleed. He'd only managed to quell the savage need because he'd finally found the source of the intense emotions he'd been feeling. It wasn't just that though. It was that one second he was being assaulted with wave after wave of panic, uncertainty, and terror and the next moment, it was just gone.

_Gone_. Nothing there but a neutral static... _blanket_? Jasper couldn't think of the proper descriptor of the neutral wall of... nothingness? Like she'd flipped a switch and had shut down every single emotion in an instant and turned on a weirdly unaffected pleasant blandness.

Jasper had been so thrown that he'd been able to do exactly one thing: run away from the tiny human.

Alice had been waiting at the end of the hall, wide-eyed and looking as if she'd seen him devour the human whole. Which was probably exactly what she'd seen and what the gasp had been about. But he hadn't. Jasper had had enough control not to drain her on the spot so he'd figured he could finish out the school day.

Again, he was _supposed_ to be the experienced tactician. He should have ceded to the fact that the thirst would win- he should have just gone home. He should've but hadn't. Jasper had stupidly wanted to prove to himself that he was stronger than the thirst. That his siblings hovered anxiously around him while amidst the humans for no reason other than their own anxieties.

The chaos of emotions had started up almost as soon as he'd run away from the human.

He couldn't blame incident number two on anyone but himself and the human. Mostly the human though. She had to have some kind of death wish- why else would she continuously bleed near him? He'd smelled her before he saw her and was contemplating the chances of not being seen by anyone if he'd just up and jumped out of the window to escape her. She'd done the weird emotional blanking thing before tripping into him.

He'd caught her, of course, but couldn't move his head out of the way of her own heads trajectory. If he moved in either direction her head would hit his shoulder which would put her neck right within biting distance. He'd cringed at the sound her skull and nose had made against his head. Her skull was most likely forever changed but at least he hadn't bitten her, right?

The rest of the class had been a new kind of torture. He had no idea what kept him in his seat. Maybe it had been the sheer amount of mortification she'd been radiating. Or maybe it was the fact that he could hear Alice hovering outside the closed classroom door, ready to race in and escort him out. Or maybe he was stronger than the thirst.

At that thought, Jasper put the borrowed Volvo in drive and headed home.

The third incident was less bloody on her part but more perplexing on his. How did she keep blindsiding him? He hadn't known she was there until he was right upon her. It had to be the flood of emotions that masked her presence. He was sure that every other vampire at the high school would have been able to pinpoint her location without a moments thought.

She'd been crouched liked she was lying in wait for him. Like _she_ was the predator. For the third time in just as many hours, he hadn't known what to do. Especially after she'd put her hands up and all but shouted at him that she wouldn't hurt him. _She_ wouldn't hurt _him_.

Jasper was an immortal bloodsucking monster. He possessed most of the talents of Superman but had as much moral integrity as a chocolate eclair. Jasper had killed- no, _killed_ didn't describe the kind of monster he was. Murdered- _slaughtered_ humans and vampires alike for decades. Even his own kind feared him.

Isabella Swan was a five-foot and four-inch wisp of a human. A pair of bunny slippers could take her down. And she thought _she_ was the aggressor?

Jasper found himself parked several houses down from the Swan residence instead of in his own driveway.

"Shit," Instead of throwing it in reverse and heading home, like he knew he should do, he got out and headed into the trees.

It wasn't the thirst that was driving him. He had no plans to kill the defenseless human. What was it about her that intrigued him? Why did he feel the need to see what she was doing? To feel the chaos of emotions swirling around her? Jasper had no idea.

She was radiating panic and indecision and a sense of urgency that made him want to ask her just what the hell was wrong. He watched from the tree line as she raced to her truck a few times and then back into the house. By the scent of it, cotton and polyester- money and a bag of clothes? Was she leaving?

When she made for the tree line, Jasper moved so he could see her while staying hidden. She was a controlled panic now, resolve tinged the air around her. What the hell was she doing out in the woods? Suddenly panic flared up again as she whirled where she stood. What had set her off? She ran out of the trees and back towards the house. She put her keys on a branch? What the hell.

Her emotions were chaos again and she was radiating so loudly that Jasper didn't know how everyone else didn't pick up on it. Was she just crazy? What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she packing her truck like she was going to leave and then stashing the keys in the woods? Why was she crying in the house?

But most of all- what the fuck was he doing out in the woods listening to some random humans emotional turmoil?

Jasper forced himself away from the human and back towards his stolen car. Had he lost his mind? It wasn't the thirst that put him in the woods- he hadn't thought about eating her once. What was it about her that intrigued him?

She felt like war.

The realization was like a hit to the gut.

Jasper had been made for war. He'd known it longer than anything else in his long life. She felt like war and he was drawn to her, like a moth to flame.


	6. Too Late to Run & Hide

**Warning: there is violence in this chapter. Please don't read if that triggers you.**

* * *

Bella was back in front of the _Leaving Forks_ sign again. It wasn't a conscious decision to get in her truck and head out of town. She'd gotten ready for school, skipped breakfast, and headed towards her new school determined to track down Jasper Hale and clear the air. Maybe show him that she could interact with him without bleeding or assaulting him.

But she'd ended up in front of the sign again.

The voice in her head telling her to escape wasn't as loud today. Renee hadn't called and she'd slept just fine. Mostly Bella was anticipating Friday.

Charlie wanted to go fishing with her. _Her._

Maybe it was just an elaborate ploy to get her out of town so he could beat on her without fear of being caught. But Bella was just hopeful enough not to think too hard about it. Maybe _stupid_ was the better descriptor.

The rain suddenly turned from a light drizzle to a heavy downpour outside. Bella listened to the rain as she thought about Charlie and the potential hurt he represented.

Was it too stupid and naive to stay just because she wanted to go fishing? Was she being dumb operating on a blind hope that Charlie wouldn't hate her as much as her mother did?

A crack of thunder startled Bella and she couldn't help but jump in her seat.

"_You_!" Renee's voice was an accusatory screech as the front door slammed against the wall and bounced back into its frame. The loud bang was punctuated by a strike of lightning and the sudden sound of heavy rain hitting the house.

Bella was suddenly eight years old, wearing cotton pajamas, and reading in the kitchen while she ate the sandwich she'd made for herself.

Renee was finally home and it was too late to run and hide, Bella was caught, like a rabbit in headlights. Renee threw her purse first, it glanced off Bella's right arm and hit the ground with a dull thud, spilling its contents everywhere. Bella dropped her book and sandwich and stood. Maybe if she ran now Renee would be too shocked to chase her? It was too late. Renee was already on her. Her high hails clacked into the kitchen and Bella was suddenly reeling back to avoid the coming blows.

"You- you- you pathetic waste of fucking space-" Renee punctuated each _you_ with a hard smack to the face. "Do you even know what you've done to me?" She gripped Bella's ponytail and used it to shove her back. The backs of Bella's knees hit the chair and she tumbled backward until her head bounced off the old linoleum floor. Pain splintered through her head, little white dots popped up in her vision and nausea churned her stomach.

"I'm sorry!" Bella curled into herself as a shoe dug into her back. "I'm sorry!"

"You!" A kick to the back. A slap to the head. An aggravated growl that signaled her mother's frustration with not being able to hurt Bella as much as Bella hurt her. "I could have been someone! I could have done anything!"

Bella curled tighter into herself as all hands and feet lifted off of her. More was coming- _worse_ was coming. Renee had left the house promising to make a nice spaghetti dinner for the two of them and had come back two days later enraged. It had only been two days since the last time she'd taken a beating. Bella had thought Renee would be calm for a couple of days at least- it usually lasted a week, _the calm_.

"Do you even realize how many years have I wasted on you!?" Renee was struggling with something- things were hitting the ground in the other room.

Bella cautiously peered up at her mother when she heard the clack of Renee's heels on the linoleum again. The living room lamp was in her hand. Her mother was red-faced with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Mom," Bella pulled her head back into her chest and covered it with her arms. "I'm so sorry- please! Mom, please don't."

Maybe Renee would kill her this time.

Maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

"_Mom_!? Mom!" Renee was shrieking now and Bella could only brace for the blows she knew were coming. It had been the exact wrong thing to say. Apparently, the word had triggered a frenzied rage that was going to hurt."I could have been someone! I could have done anything! Instead, I'm a _mom_! Your fucking mom."

Instead of the blunt bone-breaking hits she'd anticipated, Bella felt a sharp white-hot sting cut into her back. She didn't have time to recuperate from the first blow before another landed across her arms.

Then her lower back.

Then her ribs.

Her back again.

The top of her head.

Again and again.

Bella tried to keep her cries muffled but she couldn't help but shriek when her mother didn't relent.

It didn't stop until Renee was too exhausted to swing the cord. Bella, still curled into herself in case Renee had one more hit in her, watched through her tangled hair as her mother dropped the lamp, let out a loud anguished howl, and fell to the floor beside Bella. The woman cried into her hands and continued to curse at Bella.

"_You_." Her voice was a breathy groan of exhausted rage. "You useless pathetic piece of trash."

"I'm sorry." Bella managed to find her voice through the haze of pain. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry." What else could she say? What else could she do besides take the hits and apologize?

Her mother's sobs slowed and eventually turned into deep even breaths as the woman fell asleep.

Bella's back and head throbbed. The hot blood soaking into her shirt and pajama bottoms cooled in tandem with the tears on her face. Pain was radiating from every exposed inch of her. She didn't know the extent of the damage- didn't want to look just yet. Maybe never. Maybe if she laid on the floor long enough she'd bleed out and wouldn't have to worry about her new wounds. So Bella stayed where she was, content to listen to the rain.

The rain on the windshield had slowed to a drizzle and brought Bella out of... whatever the fuck that had been.

"What..." Bella's own voice seemed too loud in the close confines of the truck.

Her chest was heaving, she was curled into herself, and tears were pouring down her face. What the fuck was happening to her?

It didn't matter. She wasn't safe. She needed to find a safe spot.

_She needed to escape._

She was too vulnerable- too out in the open. _Renee_! Renee could get to her just sitting like she was in broad daylight.

Trees. There were trees. So many trees.

Not like Arizona. Not like home.

She could hide in the trees.

Hide. She needed to hide.

Renee was coming.

Panicked out of her mind Bella uncurled from her fetal position and scrambled for the door handle.

She had to get out. She had to hide. She was too visible.

Fuck.

She hit the gravel with a painful thud but that was nothing compared to what was coming.

Renee was coming.

Bella had to hide.

Trees.

She had to get to the trees.

She was up and in the tree line before she could utter a curse at the pain.

Trees.

Bella was safe in the trees.

It was several long minutes before the panic dissipated enough for Bella to form a coherent thought that was not centered on her mother or escaping.

"Okay," Breath was still coming in quick puffs but the sound of her own voice was grounding. "okay. Okay. So that was..."

That was what exactly? She wasn't crazy- or wasn't yet. Bella was a seventeen-year-old high school junior who lived in Forks with Charlie. She was not, at least not anymore, an eight-year-old hoping that her mother might still somehow love her like she'd been in the truck. Was Bella bipolar? Like Renee? No.

That had been a flashback. Which meant what? Bella had to relive her horrific childhood one beating at a time? Or maybe Bella wasn't really in Forks. Maybe she was still in Pheonix in some kind of fever dream. Maybe everything- Charlie, Forks, the suspicious lack of hitting, the blond awkward pretty boy- had all been her imagination.

"Fuck." Bella shoved a shaky hand through her hair and looked for the blood and bruises that were so reminiscent of her childhood.

The blood on her palms and knees sent her into a short-lived panic before she realized she'd done it to herself when she'd fallen out of the truck.

"Okay. We're good." Calm, she could do calm. All she had to do was breathe deep. In through her nose and out through her mouth. "We're good."

A flashback then. It had been so real- so much like she was in that moment getting beat on.

Or no, fuck. It was PTSD. Bella had read about it. It was very common in survivors but Bella had figured she only had a mild form of it. Flinching at sudden movements, hypervigilance, sleeping problems- the like. But no, she was obviously a card-carrying member of the full-blown PTSD club. Which meant her brain had not processed that particular memory correctly and she had to relive it until her brain figured out how to process it.

"Fuck!"

"No. Okay." Bella was fine. She was fucking fine. "We're good."

Bella was in Forks. Renee was on the other side of the continental united states. Charlie was reading parenting books and making plans with her. Charlie hadn't hit her yet. She had a truck with which she could use to escape with should the need arise. She was_ fine_.

"We're good." Bella made herself believe it as she picked up herself up off the forest floor and headed back to her truck.

The driver's side door was wide open. It was idling loudly in front of the _Leaving Forks_ sign and the front door was hanging wide open. Christ, she was a nut case. Bella was lucky no one had come along and just stolen the damn thing. She climbed into the cab and wondered if _that_ would be Charlie's breaking point.

_Calm_. She was calm, confident, and friendly as fuck. Bella was going to go to school and make some friends. She was going to pretend like all the awkwardness with Jasper Hale wasn't a big deal and she was going to talk to him. She was going to keep her shit together.

Bella put the truck in reverse and got back on the road to her new high school.


	7. Obsessed

"Okay but that's not it," Jasper ran a hand through his hair in frustration. His adopted siblings obviously weren't understanding the sheer amount of confusing chaos the tiny human emanated. Otherwise, they would be looking _at least_ somewhat intrigued. "You guys aren't _getting_ it."

"What aren't we getting?" Alice didn't bother taking her eyes off the game she was soundly whooping Emmett at. "She's odd, we get it."

"No," If they got it they would be just as agitated as he was. "You don't get it. On top of blindsiding me _three_ times yesterday, she also went straight home to pack her truck."

"You went to her house, Jaz?" Emmett took his eyes off the game to arch a mocking eyebrow at him. "That's a little creepy, bud."

"It's _Jasper_, Emmy-poo." He knew it was creepy and stalker-y but he was drawn to her emotional chaos like a shark was to blood in the water but wasn't going to admit as much. "And shut up, It's not _that_ creepy."

"It seems as if you like this human." Alice's voice took on a singsong quality that instantly put him on the defensive.

"No, that's not it either. She's just so... fucking _crazy_. I can't help but follow her. She packed her truck like she was leaving and then she went into the woods and hid her keys in a tree." He held his hands out and waited for their shocked expressions. "Who does that?"

He'd even take mildly curious. But nothing. Not even an eyebrow twitch.

"A tree?" Emmett sounded bored and a tad mocking. "That _is_ weird."

Jasper chose to ignore his tone and resolved to kick his ass later. If they weren't so enthralled in the ongoing "Ultimate Vampire Challenge" then they would give a shit. Because how could a person not be intrigued by Isabella Swan? They were only half-listening but he didn't give a flying fuck, Jasper had to voice the thoughts tumbling around in his head. Maybe he could make sense of it that way, get it and her out of his head and move on.

"It's not just weird, it's _crazy_. She then went back into the house and cried for like ten minutes. And she feels... she feels like my old life... the terror, the panic, the need to escape. And Christ, I don't know. One second she is broadcasting panic and terror and this insane clawing need to escape and the next second she's this emotional blank space. It's driving me fucking crazy." Jasper paced the length of the living room as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He obviously wasn't explaining her correctly because they just weren't _getting_ it. "She's always feeling like she's going to get jumped or- or- I don't fucking know. Something bad. Impending doom is what it feels like. And then there's all that false bravado— and this kind of... _resolve_ that goes away almost as soon as she feels it."

"Jasper," Rosalie sauntered into the room, wiping her greasy hands on a rag, and tilted her eyebrows upwards in a way that said he was the special kind of stupid. "If your human is feeling panic and terror- then there's a reason for it."

"Well yeah, Rose." Emmett chuckled from his place in front of the tv. "The reason for it is that she's a looney."

"Hey." Jasper chucked the nearest object at Emmett's head and ignored his own hypocrisy. "Shut up."

"If I wasn't already kickin' Alice's ass at Mario Kart I'd come over there and kick-" The decorative pillow bounced off his head but Emmett's eyes never left the screen. "Alice! Not fair!"

"You have yet to kick my ass, Emmy-poo" Alice stuck out her tongue at the giant and giggled when he shot an arm out to shove her over.

"No," Rose rolled her eyes. "I mean that she has an actual reason. When you were a human when did you feel panic and fear? I know when I felt it I had a good fuckin' reason. It wasn't 'cause I was crazy."

Fear suddenly crawled up Jasper's spine. How had he been so stupid?

"Someone or something is making her feel that." Rosalie frowned and glanced towards the stairs. "Maybe it's that father of hers, Chief Swan?"

And Jasper had left her, the tiny defenseless human, there in that house with an abusive father? What a fucking idiot he was. Chief Swan didn't seem like the type to abuse. But people were bastards, Jasper knew that firsthand.

"I can't get a good read on him." Edward's voice floated down the stairs, answering someone's unspoken thought. "He's muffled and indistinct... I can only pick up vague ideas from him. I can't even get that much from his daughter. So, I've not a clue."

"Edward," Alice's voice was suddenly somber and she finally turned away from the TV. "You can't read her?"

"I thought I told you." Edward was suddenly occupying the couch closest to Alice who cocked her head towards him. "You really think so?"

"Want to include us in the conversation, Ed?" Annoyance pulsed in the air around Rosalie and Jasper felt a twinge of jealousy. Rose was never a fan of their silent conversations but it was difficult to get mad at Edward for something he couldn't help.

"_She's_ exactly what the problem is!" Alice answered. She chucked the controller down and shoved a finger in Jasper's direction. "You are obsessed with Isabella Swan! That's why I can't see shit! You are obsessed with an indecisive human and that's why your future is a big blank void!"

"Indecisive?" That was new information. What was she indecisive about? Was that a factor in her emotional turmoil?

"Isabella-god-damned-Swan is the most indecisive being I've ever encountered." Incredulity and something like stung pride billowed off of Alice. "Whenever I'm within a ten-foot radius of the human I get a headache- or whatever the vampire equivalent is."

"Your head hurts?" Rose plopped on the couch beside Edward and frowned slightly at Alice.

"And that affects Jazzicles?" Emmett, having taken advantage of Alice's distraction, won the race and finally turned his attention to the conversation. Jasper scowled at him for the ridiculous name but Emmett only grinned wider.

"Yes because obviously his future is wrapped around this human." Alice shook her head at Rose and then turned her sharp eyes back to Jasper. "I just thought he was undecided on whether or not he was going to kill her."

"No." Jasper was sure as shit not going to get involved in her life- he was a vampire for christ's sake. She was dinner. "No, no, no."

"Oooh, Jazzy has it bad for a human." Emmett lounged on the floor and grinned like this new bit of news was the best thing to happen in a decade.

"I do not." He _didn't_.

"Jasper, I have been listening to you go on and on about her for the past half hour." Rose rolled her eyes and smirked. "You haven't been this interested in something since… since ever."

"I am interested in stuff." He couldn't think of anything off the top of his head but there was stuff. He'd been alive too long for there not to be stuff.

"Name _one_ stuff." Emmett's eyebrows arched like he already knew the answer. "And don't say brooding because that's just a personality trait and it doesn't count."

Jasper seldom regretted joining the Cullen clan but this was one of those times.

"You only talk this much when you..." Edward put in his two cents, smirking and glancing sideways at his husband. Obviously the two were in cahoots to piss him off. "Wait, you _never_ talk this much."

"He's got a point." Rose chimed in. "You've been in this self-imposed prison since I've known you. It's like you refuse to allow yourself to have fun or like things."

"It's true," Emmett was no longer smirking. He was looking serious and ready to deep dive into Jaspers's brain. "You've been punishing yourself for-"

"Whoa- hold on." Jasper held his hands up to stave off the pending psychiatric session. Too many of them held degrees in that particular field and he didn't want them having a field day with his broken psyche. "Jesus H. Christ, we ain't talking about me- we're _not_ going to. We're talking about Isabella Swan."

"Chicken." Emmett was grinning like he was loving every minute of what was happening.

"Fine." Rose shrugged and glanced towards Alice with an eyebrow raised.

"I mean, she keeps bleeding around him so I just thought he'd lose it. Kill her or get out of Forks," Alice went on like no one had spoken, her eyes doing that distant thing they did when she was looking into the future. "But it's not that- his future hinges on her and her decisions. And that girl can't make a decision to save her life."

"Makes sense to me," Edward laid a kiss on his husband's cheek, which made Emmett giggle like the seven-year-old he actually was and grab at his auburn-haired boyfriend. Edward was too quick however and dodged out Emmett's reach and headed towards the stairs. "Good luck with that Jaz."

"No!" Jasper, tired of the ridiculous nicknames, chucked another decorative pillow at Edward as he fled up the stairs. "No good luck- it's not like that."

"Then what's it like?" Emmett sat up straight and looked towards the stairs like he wanted to give chase. "Why are you so obsessed with this human?"

"I'm not obsessed." He wasn't. He was frustrated. Maybe even interested but not _obsessed_.

"He's thought of little else the past couple days." Edward's voice floated helpfully down the stairs once again.

"Wow." Emmett sat forward and his lips curled into a mocking grin. "That sounds obsessed to me."

"Okay, well regardless of whether or not you are obsessed, she is alone with a possible asshole." Rose cut in again, smacking Emmett with her dirty rag. "Are you going to see to that or am I?"

_Mine_.

Shocked at his own possessive thoughts, Jasper mentally froze and took stock. The human was not his. He was an asshole for thinking as much. Rosalie was a champion of the weak and abused. If she caught wind of any wrongdoings in any place they stayed- she would take measures to right those wrongs. Rose would be the best possible thing to happen to Isabella.

He should just let Rose step up.

Jasper didn't need or want to get any more involved. Safer for the human. Safer for him. Safer for everyone.

He opened his mouth to send Rosalie out the door but found himself saying, "She's my responsibility, Rose."

Sonuvabitch.

Well, so much for that.

Jasper turned on his heel and was out the door before his dumb nosey smirking family could react to that statement.

_Fuck, just don't tell anyone, Edward._ The last thing he needed was Emmett thinking he wanted a human._ I'll get a handle on it._

All he heard in response was a derisive snort from the second level as he headed for the Swan residence.

It was only four in the morning and most of Forks was still asleep. Why had he not thought about domestic abuse? The intense chaos of the emotions seemed completely unprompted at the school. He'd just assumed crazy when she was obviously not being pursued by an aggressor.

He was back at the Swan residence for the second time in a matter of hours. Jasper settled into the greenery, very much like the creeper he'd been accused of being, and waited. The house was quiet and dark. He wasn't sure what he intended to do if Charlie was hurting his daughter. Where Jasper came from, any man who laid hands on weaker beings got their teeth kicked in. Carlisle, however, would disapprove of Jasper beating the living hell out of the police chief.

Maybe he should just call CPS and be done with it. They would swoop in and get his human out of a horrible situation and place her somewhere better. Then maybe, once her emotional chaos was somewhat resolved, he could stop thinking about the infuriating human.

He had to be sure that her father was hurting her, though. Maybe it wasn't her father but some asshole from the school.

Around five Charlie's alarm went off and Jasper listened as he moved around the house, getting ready for the day. Feelings of hope, love, and something like... _contentedness_ rippled out of the quiet house. The dark-haired human made his way out to the driveway where he then spent twenty minutes putting chains on Isabella's tires. Nice of him but Jasper was reserving judgment. He didn't want to think nice things about a potential asshole. Chief Swan drove off in his cruiser and Jasper waited another two hours for his human to wake up and get out the door.

Was he obsessed? Jasper considered the accusation as she tromped around the house getting ready and then dashed into the surrounding woods to retrieve the key she'd stashed.

He watched from his vantage point in the bushes and decided, yes he was obsessed. The fact that he was sitting in the rain outside of her house was not just about all the evidence anyone would need to make that particular point but it also probably said something about his mental health.

The tiny human got into her truck broadcasting nothing but a sleepy kind of numbness that put him at ease. She wasn't feeling panicky. She didn't look to be favoring any limb or looking particularly achy. He couldn't smell blood on her.

She was beautiful and the emotional chaos was intriguing but he didn't know anything else about her.

She was a human.

He was a vampire.

Her truck roared to life and Jasper followed slowly as she navigated into town.

Prey.

Predator.

Alice thought his future was entwined with Isabella's. Which could mean literally anything. He could lose control and drain the life right out of her. He'd done it countless times before he'd joined the Cullens. It wouldn't take much. A drop of blood in his vicinity and he was nothing but savage hunger. Alice's vision, or lack thereof, could mean absolutely anything.

None of it good for the human in question.

She drove in the opposite direction of the high school. Where the hell was she going? Was she actually leaving this time? She hadn't unpacked from the first round of crazy. He could still smell the cotton and polyester. She drove until she was out of town and parked in front of the _Leaving Forks_ roadsign.

Truck idling on the side of the road, she just sat and stared at the sign. Not feeling any particular way. Still just the same bleary numbness as when she'd woken up.

Yet another odd thing to add to the ever-growing list.

Jasper was nothing in comparison to the human.

He didn't want to be _too_ dramatic but he was a feral monster playing at being civilized. Carlisle and Esme had done their best to civilize him but it was akin to putting pants and a bow tie on a rabid bear.

She let out a weary sigh and shifted in her seat.

If his adoptive siblings were right about him and his feelings towards his human then- fuck, it would all be a nonstarter. _If_ she could look past the bloodlust and the long history of senseless murder- impossible and naive to even think she could. But if she could then there was his face and the rest of him to consider. Scars ate up most of his body. The damage was so extensive and horrific that he never failed to startle his own kind into fight or flight responses whenever they first clapped eyes on him.

He had no expectations of finding anyone willing to overlook-

A sudden wave of unbridled terror clawed at his mind and catapulted Jasper out of the trees and towards the truck. Fuck, was she being attacked? There was only one heartbeat in the truck. He peered in through the passenger side window and saw

Absolutely nothing.

She sat with her knees pulled to her chest, blindly staring out the windshield, tears running down her cheeks, white as a ghost, and rocking back and forth in the small space.

What the fuck?

Fear, panic, and terror attacked his senses as she silently sobbed into her knees. Chills raced down his spine and prickled his skin at the sight. What the hell was happening? What should he do?

She was having a panic attack.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

He didn't know what to do- how could he help? Hug her? Talk to her? Fucking slaughter whoever put that fear into her? She would likely only panic more if some random stranger put his hands on her. And how would he explain what he was doing there? He had no car, he'd followed on foot. He could run back to his car and then drive past like he just happened upon her. But that would leave her vulnerable to anyone else who happened along in the time that it took him to drive back.

She began jerking in her seat as if taking invisible hits. The muffled whimpers of terror ignited a killing rage in his gut.

_What the fuck?_

He watched in stunned silence and she slowly came back around. The terror didn't lessen but something cleared enough for her to take stock of her surroundings. He'd ducked quick enough not to be seen.

Terror sharp and hot and blinding rolled off her in waves.

She was suddenly scrambling for the door handle and landed hard on the gravel when she'd finally jerked it open.

Jasper followed her into the trees. She didn't go far. Just found a big tree and resumed the fetal position behind it.

Rocking back and forth as she silently sobbed into her knees.

Terror and panic drowned out everything else.

Was it wrong to fuck with her emotions without her consent? He'd never stopped to think about it before- he'd always just done it. Now, his manipulating her emotions seemed too personal. Too much like he was trespassing.

"Fuck it."

He couldn't hug her. Couldn't talk to her. Couldn't do fucking anything but this one stupid thing he'd lucked into- it was the only way he could help.

The vampire took her terror and softened it into something manageable. Terror was a full body emotion, one that burned away every other emotion. He couldn't force calm on her until she was coherent enough to feel it.

After several long minutes, she came back around. Jasper watched as she told herself over and over that she was fine and eventually that was true enough. She pulled it together and picked herself up off the forest floor.

By the time she got back into her truck, she was an emotional blank space once again and Jasper was the one in emotional turmoil.

Rage had him in a vice grip. He needed the name of her abuser. She needed a friend and a fucking bodyguard. Jasper would be both.

First, he would track down the fucker who put that much fear and terror into one tiny human- _his_ tiny human.

Second, he would put all those years of bloody fucking violence to good use.


	8. Pleasant-Bella

"Get it together, Dumb-Dumb." Bella pulled her hot face off the cold window and checked her swollen eyes in the rearview mirror. They were no longer noticeably red and puffy from crying. Progress. She could probably pass it off as allergies. God knew there was enough greenery around the place to make the lie believable.

Bella flinched when the fourth-period bell went off. Meaning she'd missed four of the seven classes she was required to attend. Again. Shit.

"Well, Dipshit, this is as good as it's going to get." Bella scowled in the rearview mirror and remembered what that book had said about being kind to her self. "I'm sorry, not Dipshit... Schnookums?"

Well, it was better than Dipshit and she had to at least make a cursory effort to correct the conditioned self-hatred.

"Eh." Bella gathered her bag, took a deep breath, and turned on the pleasantly neutral personality she used in public. It was the one she used to pacify her mother when the woman needed assurance that Bella didn't blame her for anything. Pleasant-Bella was what got her through most days and would, hopefully, make her those friends she'd been planning on. "Let's do it, Schnookums."

Bella stepped into the slight drizzle and took another deep breath.

"Isabella." The sound of her full name took all the wind out of her sails and Bella couldn't help but hunch in on herself. No one called her Isabella except her mother. The voice was male and nothing like the sound of her mother's imperious tone but Bella felt a bolt of fear.

Her first instinct was to duck and run. A cold sweat broke out all over as Bella forced herself to stop and think. Her mother, as Bella had established just twenty minutes ago after that fun little flashback and subsequent panic attack, was nowhere near Forks. Bella beat back the rising levels of panic and shut everything down. There would be no more panic attacks today, goddamnit.

"Isabella, wait for a moment." Jasper Hale was rounding the back of her truck and looking like he belonged anywhere but Forks. Who needed to be _that_ pretty?

"Hey Jasper,' Bella tried for nonchalant. Like it was completely normal that a gorgeous GQ model of a man went out of his way to talk to her. So very normal. "It's just Bella."

He came to an abrupt halt three feet from her and froze where he stood.

"You're bleeding again?" He arched a golden eyebrow and Bella was once again transfixed. His eyebrows were a couple of shades darker than his honey-blond hair. His cheekbones and jawline could cut glass. He took a step back like he was preparing to run and Bella finally stopped staring at his face.

"Oh shit, I forgot." Bella wiped uselessly at the dry blood on her palms. "I fell this morning and forgot about it." When it did nothing but flake off Bella put her hands behind her back and tried to look apologetic. "Will it still bug you if I put them behind me?"

"I-" He looked as if he was holding his breath again. "Sorry." With that, he turned around, rounded the truck, walked the ten feet back to his delicate silver car, and got in.

Bella tried not to look as awkward as she felt at the situation. She resituated her bag on her shoulder and turned towards the school. One of these days she would attend all of her classes without being late, she would be wound and blood free for a whole day, and she would have a full-blown conversation with Jasper Hale. Bella decided to make that her goal for the week. Well, next week as she was going fishing with her... _Charlie_.

It was difficult for Bella to think of him as Father in her head. Somehow the name didn't fit. He was technically her biological father and her current parental guardian. But Charlie hadn't actually been a father to her. He'd been something like a distant cousin for most of her life. She called him Dad to his face but Bella couldn't in her head.

Maybe she was angry? Maybe she couldn't call him dad because he hadn't earned the title. Maybe all that hopeful naivete that had hurt her so badly when she was younger had turned into bitterness and anger.

Maybe she was mad at Charlie for not being the Dad she'd wanted- or really any semblance of a Dad?

Bella paused outside of the front office at the alarming thought.

Was that allowed?

"Miss Swan." The office door swung open to reveal the tiny secretary that had given Bella the stink eye for being late on the first day. "Glad you decided to finally attend school. Will you please follow me?"

_Fuck_.

Bella followed the shorter woman into the stuff office. The room was small with a desk and a big counter cluttered with clipboards and baskets of papers took up most of the space. The placard on her desk read Mrs. Cope.

"Please, sit." She motioned towards the empty frayed looking seat and plopped down in a swivel chair on the other side of the desk.

Bella sat. Pleasantly neutral personality in place, she smiled and braced herself for the... trouble? Lecture? Bella had never been sent to the office or been in any kind of trouble before. She didn't know what was going to happen. They couldn't hit her- so it couldn't be all that bad, right?

"Ms. Isabella Swan." Mrs. Cope laced her fingers together and peered down at the clipboard on her desk.

"It's just Bella," She didn't want to stir the pot but Bella didn't think she could handle her full name being said anymore.

"Okay, Bella." The woman nodded and sighed. "Mr. Solock, the principal, is out today. But he asked me to have a chat with you." She frowned and genuinely looked upset. "You're new here and I get that it's scary to start at a whole new school in a whole new town- I get it. Monday you missed four classes. Tuesday you missed four classes. Wednesday you missed four classes, attended one class, and then you were marked absent for the rest of the day. Then today, you've skipped four classes again."

"I'm..." Bella didn't have a good excuse. "I'm sorry."

"That is a grand total of eighteen classes skipped. You've only been here four days!" Mrs. Cope opened her hands wide and her eyebrows scrunched. "Is there a reason? Do you want to talk about something?"

"Oh, um..." Bella adjusted her butt on the edge of the seat and tried to think up anything that might serve as a good excuse for eighteen missed classes. "I've just been... dealing with... trying to adjust to everything." Yes, anxiety about new people was good. Bella mentally rallied around the idea. "I'm not great at making friends and I miss my old friends- and it's just... I get too anxious and it's difficult to come here knowing that I don't know anyone."

"Sweetpea, I get it but you aren't going to know anyone at all if you don't come to school eventually." The woman frowned again and sat back in her chair. "Now I'm really sorry to have to do this, Bella, but I have to give you a detention."

"Detention?" Bella had never even so much as gotten a stern talking to from her teachers. Detention was a whole new world.

"I'm sorry Hun, but it's _eighteen_ unexcused absences. There have to be consequences."

"No, I understand." Was she officially a bad kid now? Shit, what would Charlie do if he found out? "Um, I uh... my Dad is taking me fishing tomorrow. He said he was going to call in an excuse me- is there any way I could do the detention today?"

No, Bella decided, she was way too polite to be a bad kid.

"Fishing huh?" Mrs. Cope clicked away at her keyboard and gave Bella a small smile. "That sounds like fun."

"I've never been before." Bella leaned forward and nodded. "He said he wanted to spend time with me." Mrs. Cope didn't look as shocked as Bella felt by that particular revelation. She only smiled, softer this time, and nodded.

"Well, I've got you excused for tomorrow. And you'll be serving your detention after school in Mr. Henry's room."

"Okay, thank you." Was it weird to thank the woman for giving her detention?

"I'm sorry to do this your first week here, Bella." She laced her fingers together again sat back in her chair. "You will make friends in no time, I promise. We've got the best kids at Forks- you'll do great. Lunch just started, so if you go now you'll still be able to get food."

"Thanks, Mrs. Cope." Bella stood moved towards the door. "And I really am sorry for the absences."

"Enjoy your fishin' trip."

Bella headed towards the cafeteria. Adrenaline, late to the party, was pumping through her veins. What was wrong with her? There was no call for adrenaline. But her hands were shaky and she felt hot and jumpy all the same.

So... detention. That was new.

Anger. That was also new.

Bella didn't know what to do with either so she ignored them altogether. They would be dealt with later- maybe never. She entered the loud cafeteria and made her way to the end of the line. She hadn't really lied to Mrs. Cope. Bella didn't have social skills and, as evidenced by her poor attempt at befriending Jasper Hale, had no hope of suddenly developing those skills. She'd had no friends in Phoenix- how did one expect to keep friends if she was supposed to keep lying to said friends about the garden variety of breaks and bruises she got? No, friends had been impossible there.

Forks was going to be a different story. She would make friends. Maybe even multiple friends.

"You're Bella, right?" A short brunet with big brown eyes and a wide smile was suddenly beside her and looking expectant. "Bella Swan?"

"Uh yeah," Bella offered a smile and moved up in the line. "That's me."

"Hi! I'm Jessica, you can call me Jess." She smiled wider this time and moved to keep up with Bella. "We have Science and P.E. together- or will when you make it to them."

"Hi Jess, nice to meet you." Game face on, Bella smiled wider and tried not to look like she was trying too hard. "Yeah, I haven't been able to make it to class yet- but I'll be there next week."

"Awesome. Look, I know it might be weird since you don't really know me but I figured you probably might want someone to sit next to for lunch." She motioned to a table in the middle of the room as Bella collected a tray and silverware. "I mean, it's cool if you already have someone to sit with."

"No, I don't." Wow, all she had to do was think the word friend and one appeared. "Thanks, I don't know anyone yet and was kinda nervous about the whole lunch thing."

"Yeah dude, no problem. Me and Ang have been waiting for you to show up."

"Me?" Bella didn't pay attention to the food she was piling on her tray. She wanted to be done with the food so she could sit down and work on those social skills. Jess seemed like someone who wouldn't mind her less than social graces.

"Yeah, do you know how rare it is for new people to move here? Never happens." Jess moved with her through the line without collecting her own tray and food. "Well, okay- it happens but rarely."

"It's a small town." Bella collected her milk, paid the lunch lady and followed as Jessica led the way to her table.

"You have no idea- too small." Jessica plopped down next to a tall dark-haired girl and jerked a thumb at her. "Bella this is Angela. Angela, Bella."

"Hi," Bella sat opposite them and smiled. So far, so good. Bella was killing it. "Nice to meet you."

"Hi Bella, did Jess force you to come sit with us?"

"No, I offered, all politely." Jessica jabbed a hand towards Bella and looked indignant.

"I am here of my own free will." Bella smiled when Angela chuckled and moved the food on her plate around. She was too nervous to eat much. "I was going to sit in the library or something if you hadn't invited me."

"Ms. Hart gets really pissy if you bring food in there- don't let her catch you." Angela took a big bite out of her sandwich and shook her head. "The books are on the shelves- not anywhere near the tables."

"I told you, it's a power trip. She's always chasing people out."

"Good to know." Bella scrambled to think up conversation topics. She felt awkward and bumbling. What did people talk about?

"Nah, you know who the real power-trippin' dude is?" Jessica brandished her half-eaten celery stick around and scrunched her eyebrows. "Mr. Peterson- that guy is an asshole. Be careful of him Bella. He'll bite your head off just for talking."

"I can't believe you're still mad about that, Jess." Ang smirked and rolled her eyes. "That was like two years ago."

"It was two months ago and it sooo wasn't fair."

Bella listened to the duo. She felt awkward but it was obvious that they did not. Bella got the sense that they had been friends for a long time. There was an easy comfortable feeling between the two.

"You were talking on the phone- in the middle of his class!" Angela flung her hands out and was shaking her head ruefully.

"To _you_." Jessica folded her arms across her chest and frowned. "I should not have been the only one to get detention- that's all I'm saying."

"Jess- you called _me_."

Movement at the cafeteria doors caught Bella's attention. A group of stunningly beautiful teenagers sauntered into the cafeteria. Jasper was among them- no surprise there. It took Bella too long to collect enough brain cells to get a word out. She'd thought Jasper Hale was an outlier- surely there could only be one stunningly gorgeous person per town. She'd been wrong.

"Who are they?" Bella tried not to sound as awed as she felt.

Jessica glanced over her shoulder, spotted the group, and then leaned as close to Bella as she could get over the table.

"They are the Cullen's… and the Hale's technically." She got up to move around the table and sit right next to Bella.

"Oh, here we go," Ang finished off her sandwich and grinned. "Jess's favorite subject."

"Okay, so the big dark-haired one who looks like he could bench press a firetruck is Emmett. He's a Cullen." Jessica said his name with a scowl as if she disliked him. "His little sister is Alice- the dark-haired girl over there. She has these episodes- maybe like mild seizures, because she stops and stares at nothing sometimes—just in the middle of what she's doing. It happens a lot. She's weird."

"Jess, be nice." Angela chided but sounded resigned. Like maybe they had that same conversation many times.

"I'm not saying anything that's untrue."

"Yeah, but she can't help it." Angela was frowning and casting her friend a disapproving look. "Don't make fun of her for it."

"Alright, I won't. Jeeze." Jessica flipped her hair over her shoulder and let out a long put upon sigh before she returned her attention to Bella. "Then there are the twins, Jasper and Rosalie. Rosalie's not the friendliest person—like I mean she's a grade-A…" Jess glanced sideways at Angela and cleared her throat. "One time I accidentally sat in Alice's chair in Civil Government and she almost bit my head off!"

"You knew it was Alice's seat, Jess. You were just pushin' buttons like you love to do."

"It's not like we have assigned seats, Ang. Besides Mike was sitting in my chair—I didn't have a choice."

Angela only rolled her eyes. Jessica smiled at her friend like, I know I'm a butthead but you still love me right? Angela tried to fight a smile but couldn't keep it off her face.

What would that be like? To have a person in your corner, who despite the levels of butt headedness was still your friend? Bella wanted what they had. She just didn't know how to go about it.

"Anyway, Jasper is the one with the cowboy boots who always looks like he's in pain. I think he might have some kind of incurable disease."

"Jess, you can't say that about people." Angela looking utterly perplexed glanced over her shoulder to make sure her friend hadn't been overheard.

"What—he's always so pale. Plus, whenever anyone mentions blood he bolts. I'm like seventy percent positive that he goes to puke in the bathroom."

"Jess."

"Okay, fine." Jess folded her arms and scowled. "He could be terminally ill or bulimic- that's all I'm saying. I won't talk about it anymore."

He was sick? That would explain the pale complexion and the aversion to blood. Bella glanced at the scrapes on her palms. If she was going to mend fences with him she had to stop bleeding.

"Jess."

"Fine, fine. Then there's Edward. He's the twin's older brother. Totally gorgeous and adorable."

"And totally unavialable." Angela chimed in and Jessica scowled.

Bella glanced towards the auburn-haired kid. He was pretty. Not Jasper level pretty but if she was into boyish faces and mussed hair she could see what Jessica was on about.

"He and Emmett are…" Jess scowled again and stabbed at the slices of fruit on her plate. "_Allegedly_… together."

"There's no _allegedly_," Angela's tone was almost bored as she glanced at her watch and then over her shoulder at the group. "I saw them making out behind the Health building."

"That could have been anything!" Jess was suddenly looking like she was ready the throw down and Bella couldn't help but edge away a little bit. "They could have been… smelling each other or-or-or checking for ticks. Anything!"

Angela burst out laughing. The dark-haired girl was holding her stomach and bent double in her seat. Bella couldn't help but smile at the sound. When she finally sat up straight she wiped at her eyes and shook her head again.

"Checking for ticks? Jessica, he's gay—you don't have a chance with Edward Hale!"

"You don't know that—he might be bi. If Emmett would back off him for like two seconds we could test that theory."

"You are delusional."

"A girl can dream." Jesica sighed and glanced towards the table of superhumanly beautiful teens again. "And I do."

Angela went into another round of laughter that had Bella smiling again.

"I don't get it—they live together or something?" Jessica had called them all the Cullen's before she clarified. Were they a packaged deal? Did gorgeous people just naturally gravitate to each other?

"Oh, well Doctor and Mrs. Cullen are their foster parents. I don't know the full story because they mostly keep to themselves—believe me, I've tried to get friendly."

"Flirting nonstop with Edward does not count as you trying to befriend the Cullen's, Jess."

"It so does. But I think their parents got into some kind of crash or something and he took them all in." She took a bite of her sandwich and glanced back towards the table again. "Doctor Cullen and his wife are really young too. Can you imagine being that young and suddenly becoming responsible for five teens?"

"They're good people." Angela put her napkin and fork on her tray and glanced at her watch again.

"Still though, it's weird." Jess finished off her fruit and scowled back towards Emmett. "They live together and are together. Like _together_ together." Jess suddenly leaned in, glanced around surreptitiously, and spoke in low tones. "I think Alice and Rosalie are together too. Angela thinks they are just friends-"

"They _are_ friends. I've never even seen them hold hands." Angela cut in. "And hurry up, the bells gonna ring soon."

"You don't have to hold hands to be in love Angela—have you seen the way Rosalie goes after anyone who even looks at Alice funny?" Jessica shoved her tray forward and tilted her head at her friend. "And the way she looks at Alice—that's gotta be enough evidence right there."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Angela shook her head and glanced back towards the group.

"She never believes me on anything and half the time... well, more than half the time I am right about these things." Jessica spoke to Bella but it was for Angela's benefit.

"A quarter of the time—_tops_." Angela held her hands up and pursed her lips.

"Was I not right about Lorenzo and Maeve?"

The bell rang and Bella followed them to the trash cans to dump the trays and then out the doors as they continued their conversation.

"You were." Angela conceded as she maneuvered through the throng of students. "But were you right about Lizzie and Frank? No."

"Okay, but was I not right about Katie and Ron?"

"No. You weren't." Angela turned her attention on Bella and cocked her head. "What class do you have next Bella?"

"Uh," Bella glanced down, realized she didn't have her schedule and then scrambled to remember. "Honors English, I think."

"Ooh, a smartie, huh?" Jessica grinned and looked back at Angela. "You guys will get along great."

"Would you like to meet up after school?"

"I actually have a thing I have to do and I don't know how long it's going to go." Bella didn't want to tell them that she got detention- what if they decided to stop being nice? "And I'm going fishing with my dad tomorrow so I can't really hang out."

"That's okay." Jessica smiled and whipped out her phone. "Give me your number and we can hang out this weekend or something."

"Okay." Bella tried to play it cool as she exchanged numbers with them. She would freak out later when she was somewhere she could squeal without being overheard.

"I'm mean there's not a lot to do here but we'll think of something." Jessica put her phone away and motioned towards the hall behind her. "I'm that way. I'll text you later and we can hang out. Have fun on your fishing trip!" She grinned, turned on her heel and disappeared into the crowd.

"Yeah, have fun on your fishing trip, Bella." Angela waved and headed off as well. "I'll see ya soon."

Bella smiled and waved. A warm feeling was burning in her chest and her heart was thumping loudly in her ears. She, Bella Marie Swan, had successfully interacted with _two_ different people.

Shit, maybe she wasn't as hopeless and useless as her mother always claimed.

Wasn't that just a kick in the head.


	9. Positive Thoughts

"Mr. Hale," Henry was short and fat and everything a P.E. teacher should be. Bald, thick in the middle, sporting shorts, the hairiest of legs, a polo and wearing a black whistle around his neck. "Are you in the right…"

He consulted his clipboard and his eyebrows reached what would have been his hairline if he'd still had hair.

"Well, this is a first," He marked something on the clipboard and motioned to the table on the far side of the room. "What'd you do to get in here?"

"My phone went off in class." Jasper tried to look contrite but he'd worked too hard to get detention to feel bad about it.

He'd had Edward call him several times in each class but no dice. Jasper had thought he would have won a detention on the first go but teachers, for whatever reason, were reluctant to give him detention. He'd made Edward call him three times in seventh period before the damn teacher finally gave him detention. And even then it was almost as if the man was asking Jasper if it was okay that he got detention.

"Bloomberg get you on that?" Henry settled his bulk on the edge of the desk as he watched Jasper take a seat.

"Yep."

"He's pretty strict about phones." Another student walked in and his attention was redirected. "Back again Walles? You bring those chips you were telling me about?"

Another kid stomped into the room and sat at the very front table. Jasper settled in his chair and listened for his human. He felt her before he heard her. A confused delirious kind of happiness was broadcasting loudly off her and the emotions were making him all kinds of giddy and warm.

"Mrs. Cope," He listened as her footsteps halted. A sudden burst of self-doubt stabbed at him and Jasper was up and out of his seat before the thought registered. Henry glanced at him sideways.

No, he did not need to chase her down and scare off whoever was making her feel doubt. That would be weird.

Probably _not_ weirder than him using his vampiric superpowers to track her movements all day but that was beside the point.

Jasper pretended to brush debris off the chair and sat back down.

"Bella," Jasper had to concentrate hard to hear the redheaded secretary he didn't bother trying to read her emotions. She was too far away and Bella's tended to mask everything within a ten-foot radius of her. "How was your day?"

"I made two friends!" The insecurity melted away and Jasper felt another surge of warmth. Christ, he could get addicted to that warmth. "You were right!"

"I knew you would!" Mrs. Cope clapped her hands and plastic rustled. The candy jar on her desk, Jasper guessed. "You're too sweet not to make friends. Who are these two friends? Was everyone else nice to you?"

Besides, it wasn't like he was being a creepy stalker on purpose. He'd been listening and tracking her emotions all day because he wanted to beat the livin' hell out of the mudsill abusing her.

"Yes, everyone was very nice. Do you know Jessica and Angela? I don't know their last names yet but I got their numbers and they want to hang out outside of school."

She was also just _impossible_ to ignore. The human was the loudest damn human he'd ever encountered. He had yet to meet anyone who broadcast their emotions as loudly as Isabella Swan.

"I do know them," Someone kept obnoxiously honking their horn in the parking lot and Jasper lost the rest of what the woman said.

"Oh, thank you I hope so- we didn't make solid plans yet. Sorry for bugging you- I just wanted to share. I have to get to detention."

"Not a bother at all sweetness. Come chat with me anytime." Bella's footsteps sounded again as Mrs. Cope called after her. "Have fun fishing with your dad and I'll see you Monday!"

Jasper waited, somewhat impatiently, for her to show herself. He'd been listening to her all day but hadn't actually seen her since lunch. Which was, if had to put a word to it, _frustrating_. But only because she was so very loud and definitely _not_ because he was obsessed with her.

A happy warmth radiated out of her and seeped into his skin as she got closer. Jasper could feel himself relaxing in response to the good feeling.

She stepped into the classroom. Warm sunshine all but blotted out the rest of the room. Jasper, the only one affected by that much happy, swayed where he sat. It was like syrup in the air. It got into his blood, into his lungs- Christ, he was drowning in all that happy.

When he finally mentally rallied and was in full control of his faculties again, Jasper moved his stuff and pulled the chair out next to him.

"Ah, Miss Swan, thank you for joining us. Find a seat." She glanced at him surreptitiously a few times while the coach spoke. Probably wondering if he was going to run off on her again- like the weirdo he was.

Jasper waved at her as surprise and apprehension colored the air around her and her happy glow dimmed. Shit, no. He made her unhappy?

She nodded at Henry and sat in the chair he'd pulled out for her. On the edge of the seat, ready to run. Her bag went on the table and she glanced at him through the curtain of her dark hair.

A feeling of exasperated understanding rolled off of Henry and Jasper could practically hear the man roll his eyes.

Was _he_ the weird kid? That one designated weird kid in every high school who had no friends, weird interests and hobbies, who no one wanted to befriend. Jasper had never contemplated his place in the high school social hierarchy.

He didn't have any friends, no extracurriculars, no discernable social skills, and the only people he hung out with were his equally weird-ass siblings.

He _was_ the weird kid.

Shit.

Well, there was no helping it now. She probably thought of him as the weirdo who she had the misfortune of running into again and again. Or worse- the weirdo that was _stalking_ her.

The truth of that particular thought hurt his insides. If his vampire self could blush, Jasper would be nothing but embers and ash.

"Alright, newbies here's how it's going to go." Mr. Henry rounded his desk and slapped his clipboard down. "You're gonna stay in your seats doing whatever it is you do for the next hour and a half- study, play on your phones, chit chat- I don't care. I'm gonna watch my soaps. If I can hear your chit chat over my soaps, I will not be a happy camper. Questions?"

"Yeah," Walles raised his hand and stood up at the same time. "How many episodes did you watch without me?"

"Only the one." Henry turned back to Jasper and Bella and clapped his hands. "Alright, time starts now."

Walles plucked a half-eaten bag of chips out of his bag and then pulled his chair up next to the P.E. teacher's chair. Henry handed the kid a bottle of soda and kicked his legs up on the desk.

"Did she kill him?" Walles offered up his chips and settled back in his chair.

"Nah, she got hit by ghost dude and fell into a coma. But that cop guy shot him in the back. Didn't kill him, but he's got amnesia now."

"Damn, I only missed one episode?"

"Yep." Henry hit the spacebar with his heel and they both quit talking when the intro song started up. Obviously this was a common occurrence.

She looked at him, all sneakily, through her hair again. Jasper was feeling seven shades of embarrassment and levels of awkward he had never reached before. He wasn't _technically_ stalking her. He was attempting to help her- though he'd yet to actually help her. Positive thoughts- like Emmett was always saying; think positive thoughts.

Positive thought number one: she didn't know he was all but stalking her. Which meant that he could feel embarrassed on his own time somewhere far away.

Positive thought number two: maybe she didn't think he was a weirdo.

Positive thought number three: ... he was coming up blank.

Wow, he topped out at two positive things.

Shit.

_Fuck it_. He had a goal here and he would accomplish it. Besides, if she hated him then he could always protect her from afar. Or sick Rose on her. Jasper pretended that giving up the Isabella Swan protection detail to Rose was something he, in fact, could do and turned his attention on the human in question.

And besides where the hell was all this embarrassment and self-doubt coming from? Jasper was a grownass vampire with goddamned self-confidence. Isabella Swan was a junior in high school with issues. Even if she could make his confidence disappear with just a look, Jasper was going to tackle those issues and finally get her out of his head.

"Bella," Jasper didn't know what the hell to say. How did he excuse his weird-ass behavior? "I wanted to… apologize for being an asshole for the past couple of days."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and Jasper was too engrossed in the motion to register the surprise in the air.

"What- no. You weren't an asshole. If anything _I_ was the asshole." Her hands fluttered to her chest and regret rolled off her. "I assaulted you with my head twice _and_ bled on you more than that. I apologize- I'm not normally so clumsy."

"No- you really didn't hurt me. Don't apologize, please." But then how did he explain running away every time she approached him? "I uh... I just have this thing about blood. I'm working on it."

"I will try very hard not to bleed around you then." She smiled a hesitant smile and Jasper had the sudden inexplicable urge to kiss her. What the hell. "Though at the rate I'm going with you, that might be promising too much."

Those dark eyes were on him and she was smiling. Sweet Jesus, she was pretty. Jasper smiled automatically in response and had to scramble to remember what he was doing.

"I... uh..." _Sauve_, so fucking suave. He had to mentally rally again and tried very hard to focus. "I was hoping that we could be friends."

Her face lit up. All that warm happy was drowning him again. It was in his blood, melting his bones, and scrambling his brain. Jesus H. Christ, his brain wasn't going to survive hanging around her. Maybe Rose was the best option here.

"No- _yes_. I mean, I would love to be friends with you!" She turned her chair so that she was facing him and Jasper had to hold his breath at the fresh wave of her scent in the air. Just her flipping her hair ignited a hungry fire in his throat.

She smiled wider and sunshine all but engulfed her.

The fire, by some miracle, was easier to ignore.

_Focus_. He had to focus. He was already the weirdo- he didn't need to add to that reputation by forgetting to speak and just staring at her.

"I uh... I acquired this." Jasper plucked the pocket-sized first aid kit he'd stolen from the gym out of his jacket and tried not to look as guilty as he felt about the theft.

He planned on replacing it later but he was worried that someone would get hurt and need it in the time it took him to replace the damn thing. Humans were so fragile- how did each and every one of them not carry around a first aid kit?

"I saw that you didn't do much for your scrapes this morning and I thought we should at least put some Neosporin on them."

Jasper was suddenly winded with what felt like a hit to the gut. A wave of… _fuck_ he couldn't name the emotions blasting him in the face. It was like taking a steel-toed boot to the head followed by a solid hit to the solar plexus, and then punch in the gut- disorienting was what it was. What the fuck? Was she having another panic attack?

She seemed to be frozen where she sat. Her eyes misted and for a long horrible moment, Jasper thought she was going to cry.

Fuck!

He couldn't pick out individual emotions in the chaotic tangle of feelings blasting out of her as she sat frozen in her seat. What the fuck.

"Wait- it's okay-" He tore open the box and found the bandaids and Neosporin inside. "No need to be gettin' your dander up. I'll have your hands fair to middlin' right quick. It won't even hurt. I promise."

Jasper carefully applied the Neosporin and bandaids as humanly quick as he could. Her hands were small and warm and almost electric. She didn't say anything, just watched him, in the hazy way Alice did sometimes when she was looking ahead.

Suddenly the emotional chaos that was muddling his senses stopped. As if she'd just flicked a light switch. The abrupt loss of her emotions sent him reeling again and Jasper had to concentrate on collecting the plastic bits off the bandaids just to give himself time enough to pull it together.

"Thanks," She was pleasant-sounding but still so emotionally neutral that it was confusing. "What is fair to middlin'?"

"Huh?" Jasper concentrated on his emotions- calm. He needed to be _calm_ to speak.

"You said fair to middlin'. That you'd have my hands fair to middlin'." She cocked her head to the side and her dark eyebrows tilted up.

"Oh uh," Shit, his southern always came out when he was frazzled. "That's just something they say where I'm from."

"Dander too?" She was smiling again.

"My one skill," Jasper smiled back, he couldn't help it. "I know and use oodles and oodles of just _really_ cool western slang."

"I mean, it sounds _really_ cool to me." She was teasing him. He couldn't feel relief at that fact, however. She was still radiating at neutral.

"You might be the only one to think that." He couldn't help but chuckle at her mocking headshake. Her lips pursed and she was smirking.

"Do you want to hear the one cowboy joke that I know?" Bella leaned forward and grinned like she was about to unleash the funniest joke in the universe on him. "It's_ really_ good."

"I would love to." Jasper couldn't help but smirk at her enthusiasm and sit forward in his seat as well. "But only because you say it's _really_ good."

"Okay." The left side of her mouth curled up. "Where do cowboys cook their meals?" She paused for a fraction of a second and then opened her hands and shot him a blinding smile. "On the range."

"That is..." Okay, it was official. He would finally admit it to himself and out loud if forced. He was obsessed with her. "Hilariously funny."

"Are you sure?" She tilted her head to the side and shot a quizzical look at him. "Because you didn't laugh or even smile at what was, I'm sure, the best joke you've ever heard."

"I was laughing on the inside. That's where all the feelings are supposed to be."

Bella threw her head back and laughed. The static neutral blanket melted away and Jasper was drowning in all that happy warmth she radiated once again. Jasper was all too happy to drown.

Christ, maybe it was more than an obsession.

Isabella Swan had a vice grip on his heart and soul.


	10. Gone Fishin'

The lake was still and quiet. There were a few other fishermen out on the water but they were on opposite ends of the lake. It was still dark but the sun was rising up over the mountains and birds were starting to sound off in the trees. Bella sat bundled in the new jacket, hat, scarf, mittens, thick socks, and boots that Charlie had handed her at three in the morning.

Bella had protested but not enough to piss him off. She was well aware that she would be virtually alone with him for the rest of the day. So she'd accepted the gifts and tried not to think about the repercussions of such expensive gifts.

"Here." Charlie put two hand warmers and motioned to her gloved hands. "Put these in your gloves. Don't want you gettin' sick."

Bella did as she was told and hated every second of it. He was being too nice. Too sweet. She hated it.

Renee was always sweet and nice and caring before she beat Bella black and blue. Was that what Charlie planned to do? First letting her live with him, then the truck, and now the clothes. Would she even survive that beating?

"So Bella," Charlie sat back in his seat and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "What's your favorite color?"

"Uh…" Anxiety clawed its way into her brain and didn't let her absorb the question.

"It used to be purple… when you were little." He glanced sideways at her and smiled. "I was wondering if it still was."

"I uh…" What the hell was her favorite color? Did she even have one? "I guess it's still purple." Was that the wrong answer? Was that going to set him off? Maybe if she distracted him, he wouldn't get mad. "What's yours?"

"I'd say... blue." He nodded as if he'd never thought about it before and had just decided that it was in fact blue.

He settled back in his chair and minutes passed. Bella stared hard at the water, trying to keep Charlie in her peripherals so as to be ready for an attack, and not wanting to piss him off if she missed a tug on the fishing line.

"How's school going? Are you making friends?"

"It's good." Did he know about the detention and all the absences? Was he trying to catch her in a lie? "I've made a couple of friends actually."

"Oh yeah, that's great. I'm glad to hear that." He grabbed one of the thermos's he'd packed and poured them each a cup of hot cocoa. "Here, drink this."

"Yeah…" Bella accepted the cup and sipped the hot beverage carefully. "Thank you."

Another ten minutes of silence passed as they both watched the water. Anxiety was climbing to new heights inside her mind. What was happening? Why was he asking her so many questions? What was he trying to figure out? Maybe it was the detention thing. Maybe he was waiting for her to confess. Maybe he was just making conversation? But why?

"How about boys? Any of the boys in town catch your eye?" He reached over and snagged her empty cup. Bella only flinched a little. "Want more?"

"Er… no. No thank you." Which was a lie but she wasn't going to tell him about Jasper- at least not about how pretty she thought his face was. "I mean, one of the friends I made is a boy. Jasper Hale, he's been really nice."

"Good kid- good family. Never make even a lick of trouble." Bella watched him put the thermos and cups away. She'd never been hit with a thermos before. She imagined it probably felt a lot like a lamp or a bottle. Which was not very pleasant.

"Yeah?" Because what was she supposed to say to that? Did he want her to expound? Was she failing his test?

Another five minutes passed. The sun pushed higher into the sky and was quickly smothered by the low hanging clouds.

"So do you have plans for college yet? I know it's your junior year still, but I think we should maybe start on a plan. What kinds of things are you interested in?

Bella had googled fishing the night before and she was pretty sure that all of Charlie's talking was going to drive the fish away.

"I…" College had been a laughable concept for most of her life. She'd never thought about going- Renee would never let her. "I uh… no, I don't have plans yet."

Charlie started in on colleges and what his own college experience had been like. He talked well into the afternoon. Asking her questions- questions about her. Things she liked or disliked. What she thought about things in general. Favorite places, music, foods- everything under the sun. Like maybe he wanted to get to know her. _Her_.

With each question, Bella felt more and more anxious and confused.

They didn't leave the lake until the late afternoon and didn't get back to Charlie's house until after they'd stopped to eat at the diner.

When she finally was in her room again Bella let the anxiety and fear consume her. She dragged her pillow and comforter into the closet and cried until she couldn't anymore. And there she stayed through the night and well into the next day.

She heard Charlie leave for work. Heard traffic on the street. The birds in the trees.

What was she supposed to do?

At least with Renee, she could gauge the woman's moods and know, to some extent, what was going to happen to her.

With Charlie, she had no idea.

It was killing her. She was a fucking nervous wreck all the time.

Bella exited her closet and set her mind to preparing dinner. But found herself pacing the cozy little living room in her fathers' house instead. Charlie would be back soon. In a matter of minutes, she would be back to tiptoeing around yet another panic attack.

Adrenaline was spiking, her heart was once again thrumming in her ears and the blur in her eyes was making it hard to dodge the coffee table every time she paced the room.

Bella was tired. Tired of the panic attacks. Tired of holding her breath every time Charlie returned from work. Tired of waiting for him to lose his temper and finally beat her. Tired of the confusion. Tired of the not knowing.

She was on edge every time she moved- every time she breathed too loudly or coughed. What if he didn't like how loud she was breathing- what if he didn't want her to sit in that particular chair- what if she wasn't showing enough gratitude for the life he was providing her? What if- fuck she was tired of second-guessing everything.

Charlie hadn't hit her. Hadn't yelled at her. Hadn't called her useless.

Frustrating.

How was she supposed to cope?

She _was_ useless. She didn't like getting hit but Bella was sure that she deserved it- no matter what those fucking books said. She was the bane of her own mothers existence- there was no magical guide to fix that. If her own mother couldn't love her then Bella was not supposed to be loved.

Charlie didn't love her, she knew that much. But he treated her like... like she wasn't useless. Like he liked talking to her and spending time with her. Which had made her hope for ridiculous things.

Terrifying.

The stall was killing her. She laid awake at night listening for his footsteps on the stairs. For him to barge into her room, pull her out of bed, and just start wailing on her. When she did sleep it was buried in her closet and then there was nothing but nightmares. The daylight hours were plagued with panic attacks and flashbacks.

She needed it to be done.

Bella couldn't live as she was anymore.

Was he jerking her around and just waiting for the right offense to unleash hell? Was he genuinely happy to have her in his home?

She just didn't fucking know.

Bella had to do something that would settle things.

She would do something so horrible that he would have no choice but to punish her and then she would have her answer. She would take the beating and then drive off when he was asleep.

She halted in front of the coffee table and glared at the tidy little home around her.

Not _her_ home.

He hadn't wanted her. He had sent her off to be beat daily. He hadn't wanted her. Hadn't wanted to share his home with her. His life, his love- _anything_.

A burning kind of hatred ignited in her gut and Bella was suddenly in motion.

Pictures of her own younger self hit the floor. She upturned the coffee table, pulled all the cushions off the couch. Kicked the tv off the entertainment center. The muffled crunch that sounded when it hit the floor gave her a small sense of satisfaction.

But it wasn't enough. Not fucking _nearly_ enough.

Bella turned towards the dining room. The plates she'd set out for dinner were smashed on the tile. Chairs kicked over. The pitcher of sweet tea flipped and it's contents soaked the small table and dripped on to the floor.

The inferno in her gut burned brighter and tears blinded her for too long.

"No," She wasn't going to cry. Crying never fixed anything. Never stopped the hurt, never softened the hits- she wasn't going to fucking cry. Bella swiped at her eyes and turned on the kitchen.

She plugged the drain in the sink and left the water on high. In one continuous motion, she swept everything off the counters and on to the ground. The clatter of dishes, spices, bowls, and food hitting the tile was somehow soothing. She ripped drawers out of their tracks and tossed cabinet contents on to the ground.

She was pulling drawers out of the fridge when she heard his car crunch on the gravel in the driveway.

Water from the overflowed sink squished under her bare feet as she marched back into the living room.

Terror was not a thing she could feel. Rage kept her standing, it was the only thing she could hold on to.

Bella watched him walk into the house.

Blood roaring in her ears.

There was a loud buzzing sound in her head.

She wasn't Pheonix-Bella or Forks-Bella anymore- she wasn't anything but rage and hurt. Bella felt as if she were watching herself from above- disconnected from the reality but somehow still present.

"Bella," His voice was alarmed. "Christ, what happened!? Are you okay?"

"What happened?" Was that her voice? The high pitched enraged growl? "I did it! I trashed your house. I broke your tv! I flooded the kitchen- broke your dishes- broke your fucking pictures!"

"Bella wha…" Charlie stumbled over the cushions and books.

"I did it! I did."Bella was screeching now, tears were blurring her vision but somehow she was in front of Charlie, screaming in his face. "_Me_! What are you going to do about it? Do you still want to cook dinner for me? Do you still want to chit chat? Are you finally fucking mad?"

No, that wasn't her. That wasn't Isabella screaming and cursing and crying. Bella was a third party to herself. This Not-Bella had the reigns and was instilling bravery and confidence where there once had only been cowardice.

"Bells, what's wrong?" Charlie had gone pale and wide-eyed at her screaming. "Why are you crying? Oh god, what happened to your feet?"

Why wasn't he screaming? Why wasn't he hitting? He didn't see the carnage obviously.

Maybe the mess wasn't enough. Maybe she had to be _mean_.

"Why the fuck do you care if I'm crying or not?" Not-Bella took another step forward, into his personal space. In hitting range. "You've never cared before!"

"Bella I-"

"No- you don't get to make excuses! You don't get to tell me anything! You- you- backwoods hillbilly! Your mustache is stupid!" Not-Bella was brave and loud and fucking amazing. Something in that tirade had to piss him off. Even just a little bit. "You're not my father- not one that actually counts! So you don't get to tell me to do a fucking thing!"

"Bella," He was looking at her feet and not her face. Like he didn't care she was screaming.

"No!" Not-Bella hadn't told her fist to move but it was suddenly pushing at his chest. "No talking!"

"Bella, stop."

"Come on!" Hot tears blazed down her cheeks as she shoved him again. "Come on already! Hit me!" Why wasn't he hitting her? Bella shoved him again. "I destroyed your house! I got detention! I'm a useless fucking drain! I destroyed your life! Fucking hit me already!"

"Bella, no." Charlie straightened and finally- _finally_, he snapped.

Bella watched as if it were in slow motion as his hand snapped up and propelled forward.

He was going to hit her.

Panic ate away the rage fogging her brain and all the brave it had instilled.

He was big and muscled and it would hurt when he hit her.

Not-Bella dissolved as if she'd never appeared and she was Real-Bella once again. A coward who didn't want to hurt- would do most anything just to not be hit.

Chills raced down her spine. The buzzing got louder and suddenly all Bella could see was Renee.

Renee hitting her. Renee pulling out her hair in chunks trying to drag her out of small hidden spaces. Renee breaking her fingers in the car door. Renee slamming her head into the table. Renee using a lamp cord to leave slashes and welts on her flesh. Renee breaking her ribs with her high heels. Renee punching- kicking- scratching- _hating_ Bella.

The small bit of hope that somehow never got beat completely out of her, withered in her chest.

She'd been wrong about Charlie.

She should have escaped when she had the chance.


	11. It's the end of the world as we know it

She'd been wrong about Charlie.

No. No. No. Bella, real Bella— Coward-Bella couldn't take the beating. Couldn't stomach the hate. She didn't want to hurt. Didn't want Charlie to be the one that hurt her.

Not-Bella dissolved in tandem with all that rage and bravery she'd brought. Coward-Bella was back and couldn't take the hurt.

Fuck. Why had she done this? Why had she thought this was a good idea?

Terror clawed at her insides and toppled her from the inside out. Her legs couldn't hold her up anymore. She hit the floor and Charlie loomed above her. Had she ducked his hit? Was he still coming at her? She couldn't see past the tears blurring her vision.

Chills raced down her spine. The buzzing got louder and suddenly all Bella could see was Renee.

Renee hitting her. Renee pulling out her hair in chunks trying to drag her out of small hidden spaces. Renee breaking her fingers in the car door. Renee slamming her head into the table. Renee using a lamp cord to leave slashes and welts on her flesh. Renee breaking her ribs with her high heels. Renee punching- kicking- scratching- _hating_ Bella.

Something hard— the wall hit her back. She couldn't move back further. Shit. Shit. Shit. He was too close. Too close.

Renee socking her in the gut. Renee slapping her across the face. Renee chucking bottles and vases at her head. Renee bursting into her room, drunk and pissed, and pulling Bella out of a dead sleep to beat her black and blue. Renee screaming- crying- demanding forgiveness.

Hurt. It was going to hurt.

Bella tried to blink away the tears in her eyes but the blur wouldn't let up. Instinctively she curled into herself and protected her head. If she apologized maybe he wouldn't hurt her as much.

"I'm sorry!" Her voice was a pathetic croak. "I'm sorry—I won't do it again, Charlie! I won't do it again!" Her mother had always hit her harder and longer when she begged but maybe it would work on Charlie. "Please—I'm sorry. I was wrong—I won't do it again."

She couldn't breathe- couldn't think- couldn't fucking see.

Renee taking her out for ice cream. Renee sobbing into Bella's arms and promising never to hit her again. Renee making dinner and laughing and almost motherly. Renee going silent and humorless. Renee yelling at her for being too loud— for breathing too close— for being alive. Renee snapping and hitting Bella until she felt better.

Too close. Bella could see his dark outline in her blurry vision. He was too indistinct to gauge where he would hit— she had to stop crying. Fuck. Hurt, it was going to hurt. He was big and muscled and it would hurt too much when he hit her.

She didn't want to hurt. She didn't want to hurt. God, she'd take it all back if she could. The waiting— the stall— she'd gladly keep waiting if it meant he wouldn't hurt her.

Bella tried to breathe deep and do what that book had said but she was too panicked. Too panicked to breathe or see or fucking protect herself. What if he was going to get something to beat her with? She had to see. Had to stop crying.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

_Calm_. She could do calm.

All she had to do was think calm thoughts. Not about Charlie and the coming hurt but about… fuck. what was there to think about?

About _Jasper_.

Awkward funny Jasper.

Bandaids.

_Friends_\- they were friends.

Fair to middlin'. No need to be gettin' your dander up.

His deadpan dry humor that made her laugh.

Eventually, something like ease propped up in her mind— it was odd. Like stepping into a warm patch of sunshine on a chilly day. The ease loosened her muscles and cleared away enough of the terror that she could be present.

She could think— little thoughts. Half thoughts. Easy thoughts.

She wasn't hurting.

Charlie, for whatever reason, wasn't hitting her.

She wasn't hurting.

Most importantly: Renee wasn't there.

She _was_ breathing hard, mindless with terror, and crying for all she was worth but not _hurting_.

"It's okay, Bells. You're safe my Bells." Charlie's voice was low and soothing and like nothing she'd ever heard before. "I'm here. You're okay. I won't hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you. You're okay Bells."

It took her a long time to come back around. After long minutes of Charlie murmuring soft words and deep breathing, the terror and panic shrank into a manageable ball of nerves that settled in her gut. The terror induced haze fogging up her brain cleared. The blur in her eyes dried up and Bella could see again.

Jasper Hale, blond beautiful and looking like he was in some kind of agony, stood behind her father.

_What_? Was she _actually_ losing her mind?

Bella blinked hard and the space behind Charlie was empty.

Yep, she was going fucking crazy. Just another thing to add to the evergrowing list.

Charlie was seated on the floor in front of her, speaking in a low voice, hands in his lap, tears on his face, and not trying to touch her. It was so alarming that Bella instantly went still and pressed her body harder against the wall.

Was this a trick? Why hadn't he beat her? Was he waiting for her to be sane enough to feel it? Why hadn't he hit her?

"Why—" Her voice was hoarse and raspy and too pathetic sounding. "Why aren't you…" Bella didn't want to say the word. Maybe the word itself would set him off— but that ship had sailed. No point in quailing now. "Why aren't you… I screamed at you. I broke your TV. Dishes. I—"

"Bells," Charlie leaned forward, then seemed to think better of it, and sat back. "I'm never going to hit you. I'm _never_ going to hurt you. No matter what you do— it's not going to happen."

"But I… I'm…" _Trash. A waste of fucking space. The bane of her mother's existence._

"My daughter." His face was solemn as he watched her. "You are _not_ a useless fucking drain. You're my fucking daughter who is smart and beautiful and so fucking brave that you trashed the house thinking that you'd get hurt for it."

The words weren't processing. Nothing he was saying was making any kind of sense.

"I mean, damn." He glanced around and then smirked down at her. "You flipped the coffee table, Bells. That thing weighs more than you twice over."

"I flooded the kitchen." Was the only thing she could think to say. If someone didn't turn off the faucet soon, the whole house would flood. She couldn't make her legs work to get up and do it herself. "It's still on."

"That's my girl." Charlie was back to smiling at her. His tone was light and cheery but tears still tracked down his face. "I'm going to go turn off the tap and get some towels for your feet, okay? Don't move."

Bella watched him pick his way into the kitchen. The water turned off and she could hear him wading through the mess the find towels. Bella was confused. Tired. Drained. She didn't know what he meant about her feet. Didn't know what he meant by all the nice things he'd said. Didn't know why he wasn't fucking hitting her.

"Man Bells, when you do something you go all out, huh?" He was back, towels and first aid kit in hand. He resumed his cross-legged position in front of her. "Bella, I'm going to examine your feet, okay? It looks like you cut your feet on all this glass. I'm not going to hurt you. Just gonna look at your feet— can you uncurl just a bit and shift off of your feet for me?"

She was sitting in blood. Her pale bare feet were a stark contrast to all the red on them. Huh.

As if in a trance Bella did as she was told. She was too tired to do anything more than just obey. Her throat burned, head ached, and her eyes were itchy. She could feel a dull throb in her feet but it was a forgettable pain.

He hadn't hit her.

Had said that he wouldn't hit her.

Bella didn't put much stock in words. Renee always had promises for her— always swearing that she would never hit Bella again, never say another mean thing again. Just words.

He hadn't hit her though.

She'd trashed his home, broke his favorite things, and he still hadn't hit her.

"Some of these cuts are deep and I can't tell if there's still glass in them. We're going to have to go to the emergency room." He wrapped the towels tightly around her feet and stood. "Sit tight, Bells. I'll be right back."

He hadn't hit her.

Charlie was back in the living room in a matter of seconds. A pair of his own thick socks and one of his old jackets in hand.

"I'm going to put these on you, okay? I'm not going to hurt you."

Bella didn't— couldn't respond. What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to act? He hadn't hit her. Hadn't screamed at her. Bella had known what the outcome would be— she knew she was going to get beat. Had been counting on it. She was ready to say goodbye to Forks. Ready to never have to think about him or her mother again.

He hadn't hit her though. He'd said nice things. He'd spoken softly to her until she came out of her panic attack.

"I don't want you walking on your feet right now, Bells. Is it okay if I pick you up and put you in the cruiser?"

"Okay." She was operating on autopilot. The emotional rollercoaster she'd just been through had her drained of any kind of emotion.

Nothing was registering. Only the fact that he hadn't hit her.

Still hadn't.

Wasn't going to.


	12. Checked Out

Charlie kicked the front door closed and made a beeline for his cruiser. His own tears had dried up and he was focusing on getting Bella to the hospital. If he focused on anything else— like her screaming and crying, her wheeling back and cowering like she was going to get hit, her pleading with him not to hurt her. Her silently crying into her knees and rocking back and forth in a puddle of her own blood for forty-five minutes before she finally came back around. Her going cold and empty and silent. He couldn't focus on that—couldn't think about those implications yet.

Hospital first.

She was a slight weight in his arms: stiff and motionless, eyes vacant and so pale it scared him.

"Bella," Charlie didn't know what to say—what _could_ he say? He deposited her in the passenger seat and tried to get her to look at him. "I'm going to buckle you in, okay?"

She made no indication that she'd heard him. She only stared ahead.

"Bella," Chills crawled up his spine and rose goosebumps all over at the sight of her empty expression. "Bella, please talk to me._ Please_."

She was checked out. His training told him that it was normal, expected even. She had to have been running on adrenaline before her panic attack. She'd trashed their home thinking it would prompt him to hit her—the sheer amount of adrenaline and courage it must have taken to first trash everything and then confront him was awe-inspiring. Then the panic attack—the longest forty-five minutes of his life. She'd been crying and alternating between pleading with him not to hurt her and apologizing for anything and everything.

The emotional toll it took on her was to be expected.

His training told him to calm down but his Dad-self was freaking the fuck out. Cop-Charlie knew that some victims tended to check out mentally as a defense mechanism. It was safer and easier to barricade themselves in their own minds than to deal with the abuse or emotions. What was the term? Dissociating?

He knew all that. But he couldn't stop himself from freaking out.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck_.

"Please, Bells. Just one word." Charlie buckled her belt when she blinked and nodded her head slightly.

"Okay." Monotone and emotionless but at least he knew she could hear him and wasn't completely detached and unaware of her surroundings.

"We're going to drive to the ER and get your feet looked at." He tucked the blanket he'd plucked off the couch on the way out the door around her. "Are you hungry? We could stop and get something on the way. Or we could get food on the way back—but I understand if you don't feel like eating." Now he was just talking to fill the awful silence.

"I'm fine."

She was so far from _fine_.

_He_ was so far from fine.

"Okay," Nodding mindlessly to himself, Charlie gently shut her door and tried to breathe deep.

It was too much. Too fucking much.

She'd been abused. Horribly fucking abused. There was no other explanation. No other alternative option for that much terror and reaction.

Someone had hurt her. So much that she thought he would hurt her. Had been waiting, he was assuming, for him to hit her since she'd come to Forks.

The image of her huddled against the wall protecting herself from hits was going to be forever burned into his brain. Feet bloodied. Breath rattling in her throat like she couldn't breathe. Scream-roughened voice pleading with him—_begging_ him not to hit her, not to hurt her.

His Bells, his baby girl, looking up at him in stark terror. Like he was the thing that all her nightmares were made of. Like he was capable of the violence that had been done to her.

Looking like the tiny four-year-old who had left with his ex-wife. The same little girl who liked purple, preferred her sandwiches cut into diamonds, and claimed that she was going to have a mustache just like his someday. That Bella had been so young and innocent and hadn't experience even a moment of trauma or hardship in her life.

How long had the abuse been happening? How long had she endured? Did it start when they'd left him? She'd been four. What had he sent his baby girl off to? What had she survived? _Who_ had she survived?

But he knew that answer. There was only one possibility.

Fuck!

Charlie wanted to scream. Cry. Fucking hit something.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't let Bella see him lose his shit. She was already terrified of him.

"Keep it together, Swan." Charlie wiped at the tears burning tracks down his face and took another deep fortifying breath.

One thing at a time.

She was hurt. Hospital first.

He could lose his mind later.

She was silent and still as he got into the driver's seat. Hadn't shifted an inch from where he'd put her.

"Alright," Again, just talking to fill the silence. "Let's go."

Being the police chief of a small town he hadn't seen much in the way of high profile criminal activity. There were no high-speed car chases or bomb defusing situations like the movies depicted. What he and his staff mostly dealt with were domestic disturbances; drunken fights, parties getting out of hand, and domestic abuse.

Which was, un-fucking-fortunately, far too common in a small town. He and his officers were well versed in dealing with abusers and their victims. Kids with bruises and broken bones. Wives who were too terrified of their spouses to do anything but obey and keep taking the hits. Elderly folks sporting black eyes and not being able to explain how they got hurt.

He never thought he'd have to employ that training on his own daughter.

Fucking fuck!

More tears blurred his vision but Charlie ignored them and reversed out of his driveway. He had to keep it together; remain separate from the emotions trying to take over his brain. He had to shift into cop-mode and interrogate his own daughter.

"Bells," His voice cracked and betrayed the emotions boiling in his gut. He was going to interrogate his own daughter about the abuse she'd suffered. His baby girl. There was no way he could distance himself from that.

He had to take another deep breath before he was able to speak without his voice cracking again.

"Bells," Tears burned in his eyes and the city lights blurred on the windshield. "You trashed the house because you wanted to test me. You thought I'd hit you for it."

Not a sound or movement from her. The light ahead flicked to red and Charlie sat in the silence until it turned green again.

"I know this is hard. I know you're tired and scared and you probably just want me to shut up but I need to know Bells. Who hurt you?"

He knew that answer. There was only one person it could be. He didn't want to believe it. Didn't want to believe that he'd turned a blind eye to his daughter's abuse. Didn't want to believe that Renee was capable of such violence.

"Mom." Not a hint of any emotion behind the one word. Just a tired statement of fact.

God damn it all. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. God, fuck. No! Not Renee. Not her own fucking mother.

"Oh Bells," He swallowed the rage that welled up and tried to focus on the stoplight. Still green. Which meant he should probably go. "I'm so sorry."

He couldn't make that up to her.

He thought with her coming to live with him, he'd get time. Time to spend with her, learn about her—time to build a relationship that wasn't just missed calls and returned mail.

How was he supposed to fix that?

How had he not suspected a thing?

"Can you tell me what happened?" He was breathing too fast. He had to calm down. Again, Charlie took a deep breath and tried to focus his mind on driving and not feeling. He had to keep his shit together.

They'd gone halfway across town before she finally spoke.

"She…" She finally shifted in her seat. Closer to the window, further away from him. "She hates me."

Matter of fact. Not speculation. Cold hard truth.

Christ.

"She hurt me as much as I hurt her."

"Hurt her?" How was that possible? What was she saying?

"I ruined her life. You didn't want me in the divorce so she got saddled with me. The waste-of-space-good-for-nothing-money-pit." She said the words as if reciting them from memory.

Each word stabbed at him as rage won the battle and took over every other emotion. The tears dried up, his trembling hands steadied on the wheel, and he was absolutely positive that Renee would be behind bars for the rest of her miserable goddamned life.

Hadn't wanted her? Where had she heard that?

"Bells," Rage ate up his insides but somehow he managed to sound calm and collected. "You are not any of those things. I need you to know that. It wasn't your fault—none of it. You didn't deserve that and I'm just so damn sorry I didn't take you out of that situation."

That seemed to bring her back around. She tilted her head and the moonlight made her look too pale to be breathing. Charlie experienced another moment of sheer panic while he had to convince himself that she was, in fact, still breathing.

"When I was really little I used to pray that you would come get me—swoop in and rescue me." It was a tired sigh but now she was emoting. Somewhat. "I didn't understand until later why you didn't." A small, almost imperceptible shrug.

Like she wasn't confessing the saddest fucking truth he'd ever heard. Like it didn't affect her anymore.

Jail time wasn't enough. Not fucking nearly enough.

He turned into the hospital parking lot and breathed deep once again. A white-hot kind of agony burned to life in his gut and Charlie nearly doubled over from the pain.

How had he not suspected? What was he supposed to do now? How could he have sent his little girl off to that kind of life?

She had been vacillating between staying and running off. Charlie suddenly was able to connect the dots. A couple of his deputies had reported seeing her truck idling just outside of town for days now. He'd thought that maybe she'd gotten lost. Or was just experiencing nerves from being the new kid at school—he'd thought it was everything but what it was.

Bella had been deciding on whether or not to run off on him. It would have been so much easier for her. If she'd just run away she wouldn't have to face him. Wouldn't have to provoke him. Wouldn't have to take a beating. Wouldn't have to worry about getting hit every time he moved too fast.

Bella, his brave little girl, had decided to stay and chance it.

The white-hot burning in his gut roared louder. Charlie's hand shook on the wheel as he shifted into park. He was floored by her courage and the chance she'd given him. Tears burned down his face. Fuck. He had to get it together.

Hospital first.

Lose his mind later.

"Bells, I'm so sorry. If I had known…" Rage crawled up his throat and he wanted to scream every swear he knew. "I—You- I can't even…" _Keep it together, Swan. Fuck_ "Bella. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I need you to know how proud I am of you. You were so incredibly brave today and I'm _so _grateful that you gave me a chance."

She was back to staring out the window.

"I need you to know that I love you and I am going to do everything I can to make this right. You're safe here. No one is going to hurt you. No one." Renee still had full custody. He'd have to address that before anything else happened. He didn't want Renee going to a judge and dragging Bella back to Phoenix before he had a handle on things.

Bella's head swiveled in his direction. Her face was pale and her brown eyes looked huge and stark against her skin. Her eyebrows furrowed and she was suddenly showing more emotion then he'd seen from her in the last ten minutes.

"Charlie… you don't have to… just because you saw one of my panic attacks... You don't have to pretend." She was embarrassed. "I get it. I'm a big girl, you know."

"Pretend?" What was she saying? "Pretend… that... _I_ _love you_?"

"Yeah," She nodded and shrugged again. "I get it."

Charlie swayed where he sat, gutted by this new revelation.

Pretend that he loved her.

She got it.

_Got_ that he didn't love her.


	13. Tailing: A Comprehensive Guide

Jasper was officially smitten. It was alarming. Confusing. Exciting. Jasper didn't know how he felt about it. Which was ironic and dumb and so ridiculous because knowing feelings was his whole schtick.

Which was frustrating. Or _should_ have been frustrating.

Jasper hadn't been able to feel a negative emotion since Bella laughed- since Bella smiled at him- since she'd directed all that warm sunshine at him. Which had been exactly thirty-eight hours and twelve minutes ago.

Most of those hours had been spent tailing her and waiting for the abuser to show themselves. They had not. He had followed her from detention to the public library, where she'd gotten a card and a couple of books. He had been too distracted by her face to read the titles when she'd made her way back to her truck. Then it was back to her home where she spent the night curled up in her closet, hyperventilating and panicking when she wasn't sleeping.

Jasper had been ready to take Charlie apart, was hoping he'd get the chance to beat the living hell out of the man. He'd waited in her room, listening to her troubled sleeping and debating the pros and cons of manipulating her emotions with himself. It would help her to sleep and ease some of the fear plaguing her but and it would also take her choice away. He didn't want her to feel trapped or manipulated at all.

Charlie hadn't come up the stairs until the early morning to knock quietly on her door. Jasper, amped up on Bella's fear and listening to her cry for hours on end, had contemplated just killing the bastard. What kind of asshole put that much pain and fear into their own daughter? How could he face her and not feel shame?

Charlie's only saving grace had been Carlisle. Rose, Em, Edward and even Esme would have sided with him if he'd ripped the bastard limb from limb. Carlisle, however, would have been disappointed in him. Jasper couldn't disappoint him.

So he'd resisted the urge to pluck the man's fingers off one by one and shove them down his throat but only just.

Jasper had then followed them to the lake where, he was embarrassed to admit, that he'd ruined his favorite pair of boots by diving into the lake just to be closer to her. She'd felt so uncertain and scared that it had been impossible to stay onshore.

Charlie had felt excited and nervous- not even one iota aggressive. Bella had been anxious and scared. For all his vampire abilities and the extra little gimmick he could do, he still couldn't pinpoint the source of her fear.

The whole ruining his favorite pair of boots to stand on the bottom of the lake for hours on end, waiting for Charlie to be even the slightest bit aggressive towards Bella—all of that wasn't as bad as him running around the lakebed to catch a fish so he could hook it on her line. Just because he'd thought it would make her happy. It hadn't, just made her more anxious.

He hadn't thought much about his actions at the time, but in hindsight, Christ… if Alice had seen that—there was no way he was ever going to hear the end of it from his siblings. Just what the hell had he been doing? Where had his mind gone?

He'd then followed them to a diner and back home again. Where Bella had dragged her blankets and pillow into the closet to barricade herself once more. She'd cried well into the night and then into the next day.

Jasper had had to remind himself over and over again that he was not going to fucking slaughter the bastard. He'd thought of ways to kill Charlie, each one more gruesome then the last as the hours went by and Bella continued to cry.

He'd felt hope when she finally exited the closet. He'd had to retreat to the tree line but at least she was up and moving around.

_Or _instead of waiting for Charlie to show his true colors Jasper could swoop in, whisk her away—Alaska was nice this time of year, confess his… whatever it was that he was feeling to her, do whatever it took to make her happy and never cry alone barricaded in a closest again, and then—_finally_ take a day trip back to Washington to kill her fuck of a father.

It played out so perfectly in his head that he didn't see a downfall in the plan. The only part that nagged at him was the _confessing_ part. What was there to confess? He wasn't feeling anything but smitten. He couldn't be that far gone. Could he?

_No_.

There was no way. He was a predator, she was prey. Her chaotic emotional turmoil drew him in and made him want to know more—to help. That's all it was.

"Pffft." The sudden sound startled a nearby starling into flight and had him gritting his teeth in annoyance. So much for being stealthy. He took deeper into the shadows and listened for movement in the house. She should be getting water and food. She'd barely eaten anything in the last thirty-eight hours and… fourteen-ish minutes now.

Jasper refused to think on it. Forgetting the whole prey or predator situation, Jasper was not in her league. She was so far out of the realm of possibility that it was ridiculous to even contemplate any kind of a relationship or feelings on his part.

He couldn't help but glance down at his forearms at the thought. Scars cut into his pale flesh, crisscrossing and eating up most of the area. He was a patchwork of murder. Each one another tally in his death count- and even then the scars didn't count all of the lives he'd taken. Vampires desperate to live, to survive him, had taken bits and pieces out of him.

The venom healed the gouged out bits but left the tallies.

Unfortunately, venom was not a cure-all for the gouges in his psyche. Who knew that a century of lies, murder, and manipulation could affect a vampire so?

To the human eye, he was handsome.

To his own kind, he was the grim reaper.

If she didn't see him in direct light maybe she would—

The sound of heavy wood hitting carpet interrupted his pity party and galvanized him into action. She was alone. Fear and anger billowed around her like dark clouds. The coffee table ley on its face in the middle of the room. He watched with a faint sense of awe and admiration as she tore pictures off the walls, kicked the TV over, shattered plates, swept everything off the counters, pulled out and tossed drawers and cupboards.

Jasper was swept away by all that rage. Enthralled by all the simmering pain and fury to do anything but feel with her.

He wanted to join her—kick down the walls, pull up the foundation, set the place afire. He wanted her to scream—to yell out all that hurt and dread she felt every minute of every day. He wanted to scream and cry with her.

It wasn't fucking fair. None of it.

Why did his human, sunshine incarnate, have to endure abuse of any kind?

He was so absorbed with her rage that he didn't hear Charlie come into the house until he was already through the door.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach at the sight. He wouldn't lay a hand on her. Jasper would kill him just as soon as he swung. That was the evidence he would need. Carlisle would only be somewhat disappointed. He could deal with that.

But the man never hit her though Bella reeled back as if she'd been struck.

Rage dissolved into sheer fucking terror and panic replaced it. He'd never felt the like.

Jasper was dropped into a boiling black ocean. He couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't breathe and couldn't think. The boiling ocean got thicker and turned to tar. It crawled into his throat and clawed at his dead organs—he couldn't move—couldn't escape—could only feel terror. He was drowning. He was fucking drowning and he couldn't think how to stop—how to do anything else but panic.

It took too long to remember that he wouldn't drown. He didn't have to breathe—he wouldn't drown.

Jasper lay in the grass gasping for breath he didn't need and clutching at his dead heart when his brain kicked in.

The black tar was reaching for him again and Jasper knew he would be drowning again if he didn't do something.

"Fuck," His voice was ragged and startling. The panic attack wasn't his—he should not be so affected by it. "Shit." He fumbled with his pockets and pulled out his phone.

It rang twice before he answered.

"I'm not bringing you binoculars. Just go knock on her door and tell her how infatuated you are with her."

"Emmett." Jasper was still gasping for breath he didn't need. The panic was a clawing bleeding thing inside him that wouldn't let up. "Come 'ere."

It took the giant thirty-seven seconds. Emmett appeared in the opposite tree line, holding his phone to his ear, sporting a bare chest, sweats with cute bears on them that Esme had made him a couple of decades ago, and shoeless.

The tar pit was pulling him back in again. He could feel himself slipping back into that boiling ocean of terror, little by little and he couldn't do a goddamned thing about it.

"What's wrong?" Emmett's voice was angry and too loud. The giant was looking for someone to fight—someone to blame for Jasper's current state. He shoved the phone in his pocket and scanned their surroundings. "Jazz, what's wrong."

"Get me further back."

"Fuck, Jaz. I've never seen you this bad." Without a moment's hesitation, Emmet gripped him by the neck of his jacket and hauled his ass deeper into the wood and further away from Bella. Away from his human. Away from the emotions.

The further away they got the less of a hold the tar pit had on him. His breathing slowed and he could finally stop using his lungs. His mind cleared of the terror induced fog and he could think clearly. Jasper found his feet and ran beside the giant.

"You good?" Emmett kept a hand on his shoulder, just in case.

"Not yet," Jasper found his feet and ran beside the giant. "Think about Ed."

Having done this particular exercise a few dozen times Emmett did as he was told without hesitation. Emmett was big and loud in all things, emotions included. He in no way rivaled Bella but he was a good buffer. Long minutes passed before he felt anything but the echoes of panic.

Not even his own panic but hers.

That kind of loss of control hadn't happened since he'd been a fledgling vampire just discovering his abilities.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Jasper," Emmett's voice was crack of thunder that startled him. "Are you good? Saying something—you've got me freaking out, here."

He could finally feel Emmett's almost forceful happiness.

Jasper mentally rallied around the happy.

"Yeah," How the hell did he explain this? "She's—I haven't… she's having a—" No word could encapsulate the sheer fucking panic and terror she was feeling but he had to communicate it somehow. "A horrible panic attack. So bad. It sucked me in and I… I guess I lost control."

"Shit." Emmett rolled his shoulders and his big hand came out to pat Jasper on the back. "You were breathing like you had to—it must be bad. What can I do."

Why was he so out of control? Why was he feeling this? Why was _she_ feeling this?

Someone had put the fear of god into her. Someone was responsible for all that panic and terror. Rage built as soon as he was able to sort out all the shit in his head.

He was going to fucking slaughter anyone even dimly associated with her suffering. He was going to slaughter and maim. He was going to murder. Slowly. Painfully.

"Just keep thinking about Ed." This time Jasper took Emmett's arm and dragged him back to the Swan house. "I think I've got it under control now, but if I start breathing again pull me out."

The closer they got the harder it was not to get sucked back in. Jasper held onto the rage and pushed back at the panic and terror. Attempted to put up mental barriers between him and them. He was a grown-ass vampire with grown-ass abilities—it shouldn't be as hard as it was proving to be. The sticky hands of the panic and terror kept reaching over the barriers and trying to pull him back underwater.

"So I'm your emotional support vampire?" Emmett was disgruntled. "I've got a seriously hot man in my bed right now who can do mind-blowing things with his tongue and I was_ this_ close to convincing him to put his book down." Emmett pinched his fingers close together and shoved them in Jasper's face.

"Gross," Jasper batted the giant's hand away and rolled his eyes. "I don't want to know about your sex life."

"_This_ close Jasper—do you know how hard that is when he finds an author he likes? Now you've got me out here playing accessory to your Peeping-Tom activities like I don't have plans to seduce my husband."

"I need you." This was not a situation that he had to weigh the pros and cons of manipulating her emotions. She was drowning and he had to pull her out. "You're the only that'll keep your head and keep me in line."

Rosalie and Esme would forget that they were vampires playing at being human and rush into the home, hell-bent on protecting Bella. Carlisle and Alice would be ineffective at keeping him emotionally stable, they were much too compassionate not to feel for Bella, and Edward would ditch him to plot retribution on whoever was responsible for Bella's panic. Emmett was the only reliable one in the bunch. He would feel for Bella but his one and only job as Jasper's emotional support vampire would come first.

He could feel the black void of terror and panic gain strength the closer they got. It kept trying to grab at him trying to find a purchase on him and pull him back into that boiling ocean of chaos.

He could detect Bella's ragged breathing, Charlie's soft crooning, and the smell of blood in the night air. The terror and panic hadn't lessened. Charlie's fear fed into Bella's and made the mental assault that much harder.

"Christ," Emmett, obviously hearing the commotion, settled his bulk behind Jasper. "What happened in there?"

"Later." Jasper concentrated on Bella and giving her a sense of calm.

Panic was an all-consuming emotion. It had to be beaten back in order to feel anything else. _He _needed to be calm before he could project it on Bella.

Jasper tried to center himself. Tried to remember calm moments but nothing was coming to mind. When the hell had he felt calm? There had to be something.

When he'd meet the Cullen's and they'd given him new life. Life that wasn't war and blood and emotional devastation. He'd felt… not exactly _calm_ but a staggering relief. Before Carlisle and Emmett had found him, Jasper had been contemplating the Volturi and the kind of crime he would have to commit that would force them to end him.

That thought was a dark one that led to darker places—_not_ helpful.

Fuck.

"What?" Emmett nudged him in the ribs, impatience practically oozing out of him. "What's wrong?"

"I'm thinking," Jasper mindlessly swatted at him and tried to focus. "Hold on."

Why did she affect him so fucking much? He'd never had to fight for control over his own ability before. Regardless, he needed to get it together.

_Calm_. He could do calm. All he had to do was not think about Bella Swan and the utter devastation she felt. Not think about the emotional hellscape she was caught in or the reason for all that terror.

Easiest fucking thing in the world, right?

Jasper stilled all motion and blanked his thoughts for a long minute. What did he find calming?

His family.

The coven that had wholeheartedly accepted him as one of their own.

He thought of Emmett loudly playing whatever videogame that had his attention until he mastered the thing. Esme humming as she pulled apart the house and remodeled it, time and time again. The soft scratch of Carlisle's page turning as he poured over his many books. The clink of metal on metal drifting in from the garage and Rose's colorful cursing every so often. Edward and Alice bickering while playing several games of chess at the same time; fighting over each piece as if they'd actually moved them.

His coven was so different than the one he'd known for so long. The bond they shared was an unbreakable one. One that didn't depend on blood lust and mutually assured destruction to survive. He loved them and they him, but more than that, he was eternally grateful to them—to Carlisle and Esme for welcoming him to their family.

Eternally grateful to Emmett for taking one look at his scarred visage and attacking him.

For Carlisle politely asking Jasper not to hurt the giant too bad because the attack wasn't actually anything personal—the vampire just couldn't pass up a challenge when he saw one. For Emmett laughing like he was having the time of his life while Jasper soundly whooped him. For Carlisle insisting that he visit their home.

It had been all downhill from there.

Jasper had followed the duo, both apprehensive and intrigued. No one had tried to fight him just for shits and giggles before. Their golden eyes were interesting; he'd thought, at the time, that maybe it was a Yankee thing. Some kind of Northern mutation.

They'd all greeted him like an old friend, which had been disconcerting. But not nearly as disconcerting as Alice had been. She'd declared that he would be a Cullen in a matter of days, proceeded to add his name to the ongoing _Ultimate Vampire Challenge_ board, and demanded that he pick a room; though he might have to fight Edward over his, as Edward's had the best light—but considering that Jasper was an impressive fighter he might actually win against the mind reader.

"Jasper." Emmett smacked him on the back this time. "How long is it going to take you to think? 'Cause I've got shit to do. Namely, my husband."

But it somehow still wasn't enough to reach her.

"Does he know you call him shit?"

"Hilarious." Emmett snorted and rolled his eyes. Amusement overrode his impatience but only just. "Can we get this show on the road? Let's go get her out of there and beat his ass."

"No," He couldn't instill calm if he couldn't do anything but fight the rising tide. He was fucking useless in that case, like some normal goddamned vampire. "It was someone else."

No. That was unacceptable. He had to do better. The only thing in his brain was Bella though.

Bella Swan and her inexplicably intoxicating emotional chaos.

Bella Swan's big brown eyes boring into his own.

Her one and only cowboy joke.

The way she'd thrown her head back and laughed. Laughed like she'd felt it soul deep.

The blinding sunny warmth she'd radiated.

That syrupy warmth that had gotten into his lungs and mind and had all but drowned him. It had been nothing like the agony of being dropped into the boiling ocean that was her misery. But it had been just as overwhelming for Jasper. Just as all-consuming.

Jasper remembered the sunny warmth from that day—had played it over and over in his head. That world tilting moment when she'd laughed and it had damn near blotted out every dark spot on his soul.

_That _was something he could do.

"We just gonna sit and stare at the paneling then?" Emmett was officially bored; Jasper could hear it in his voice.

"Would you shut up and stop distracting me." Jasper ignored his adopted brother and mentally rallied around the idea.

He'd felt similar emotions from his siblings when they were with their mates but never on quite the same level. He'd sure as shit never produced that level of emotion on his own. But he had memorized every detail of that thirty seconds.

The way her big dark eyes had lit from within and crinkled at the corners. Her pale face suddenly a rosy pink as her lips pulled apart and she threw her dark hair back to laugh. The sound had been mesmerizing; a deep rough sound that he'd felt in his bones. She'd glowed, radiated—outshined the fucking sun.

Jasper held onto that memory and attempted to mimic the sunshine she'd given him.

It took too long—what was he, a fucking amateur? What was wrong with him? But it worked eventually.

_Eventually,_ her panic lessened. By small degrees, she was calming down. He didn't know if it was anything he was doing or if it was all her—because apparently he couldn't control his own emotional climate around her so who knew if he was even still able to influence hers.

"Where the hell are you going—there's fresh blood in there." Emmett yanked on his arm. Jasper hadn't realized he'd been headed towards his Bella until the giant pulled at him.

"I'm fine."

And he was.

He'd been in contact with her blood so much that he'd built up a tolerance. It didn't burn at his throat like it used to. When Emmett still didn't release him, Jasper made a show of inhaling a lung full of air and waggled his eyebrows at the giant.

"Fine," Emmett moved with him to the window and lowered his voice. "I'll drag you out, as quietly as possible, if you lose it."

Jasper nodded and went in through the window. The room was trashed. Furniture was tossed, glass broken and blood everywhere.

Charlie was sat in front of a tiny huddled figure. Speaking softly. Crying. Telling the huddled mass that they were safe and nothing was going to hurt them.

It took the vampire too long to realize that the tiny huddled figure was Bella.

_Bella_ huddled into the wall. _Bella_ using her hands and arms to protect her head. _Bella_ with her knees pulled into her chest, bloodied feet tucked under her, rocking back and forth. _Bella_ trying to present the smallest target possible.

Oh fucking Christ, no. No.

She opened those big brown eyes and looked at him.

It was at that moment Jasper saw red.

Rage had him again and he was feral with it. He was back out the window, slipped past Emmet, and into the next county before the giant caught him.

If it wasn't Charlie, then it was her mother or that new stepdad of hers.

Either way, they were both going to be two more tallies to add to his count.


	14. Survive the Night

**So this was going to be a big long chapter initially- but I figured I made you wait a month or two already. So I broke it in half and will post the other half this week because the world is on lockdown and I have been quarantined.**

* * *

"Bells," Charlie squeezed Bella's cold hand in his own and tried to steady his breathing as the nurse pulled another suture through her foot. "How ya feeling?"

He was asking because _he_ was feeling nauseous and anxious and so fucking terrified and _she_ was just _not_. Utterly unaffected. Was the dissociation supposed to go on this long? How was she so emotionless? How much damage had Renee done to her that she retreated into herself and became this lifeless husk?

"Fine." Bella's voice was hoarse and monotone and so emotionless it made his blood pressure rise.

_Calm_. He had to remain calm.

"You're doing great, darlin'." The nurse didn't glance up from the stitches as she spoke- just kept poking and pulling. "Just a few more and we'll be done."

"Bella," Charlie glanced at his child's face and was overcome with a red haze of rage once again. He kept his hold light on her hand as he worked through his own emotions.

Every time he looked at her pale face he'd flashback to the hysterical huddled ball of hurt she'd been and it would kickstart the fury all over again. He'd betrayed her- his obliviousness had betrayed her. Her own mother had betrayed her- _hurt_ her. He'd done fuck all about it. He had been useless to her. Just another adult to turn a blind eye.

Fuck!

How long had she endured at the hands of her mother? Christ, he wanted to hunt down Renee and… and fuck- he didn't know. Killing her would be too easy- too quick. She needed to suffer for what she'd done to their daughter.

He needed to hit something. He needed to scream and cry and go fucking insane somewhere Bella couldn't see him.

"You really did a number on your poor feet, Bella." The nurse tsked as she pulled another stitch through. "We're at twelve and counting here."

What he had to do was fucking concentrate and come up with a plan.

Step one would be to get full custody of his daughter. If Renee got wind that they were taking legal action before Bella was safely out of her custody she could bring Bella back to Phoenix and Charlie wouldn't be able to stop her. That was not fucking happening. No fucking way would he subject Bella to more abuse. So he had to do everything stealthily.

Step two- which was actually part A of step one if he was making a list- was documentation. Bella had been away from Renee for too long for any bruises or scratches not to have faded. But, and fuck he could hardly think the words since it was evident that the abuse had been happening for a long time and was severe, then there would be evidence. They'd have to do x-rays and an exam.

Step three would be recovery. Bella needed to start therapy. She needed to feel safe with him and safe in their home. Maybe self-defense classes would help her to feel more secure? He'd have to find someone good for her to talk to. If not in Forks then maybe Spokane or Seattle. Charlie would do everything within his power to make her feel loved and secure.

Step four would be sending Renee to prison for the rest of her miserable goddamned life.

"I heard the Chief's daughter was in." Charlie's attention was diverted to Doctor Cullen striding into the room. "Charlie, haven't seen you since that horse kicked you."

"Heya Carlisle. This is my daughter Bella." He was operating on autopilot now, his mind was whirling trying to identify all the possible times he'd turned a blind eye to Bella's abuse. "Bella, Carlisle."

Charlie watched her smile vacantly at the blond doctor and his guts clenched. What was the normal dissociating time frame? _Was_ there one? When was she going to return to the present? Charlie just didn't fucking know.

"Nice to meet you, Bella." Carlisle returned her smile and turned his attention to the nurse while Charlie only half-listened to their conversation as he had a new, almost heartening, thought.

Carlisle had himself five foster kids which meant the man had to be well versed in this type of thing. Charlie didn't know the kids' backgrounds but usually, foster care meant abuse of some kind. Which maybe meant that Carlisle and Esme could help him- point him the right direction- tell him where to even start- fuck he had no idea where to even begin.

Maybe Carlisle would know where to begin.

Okay- so Carlisle would be his starting point in his plan of action.

"Well, it looks like Anna has you covered here." Carlisle glanced down at the chart in his hands and arched an eyebrow. "_Seventeen_ stitches- that had to hurt." He whistled through his teeth and shook his head. "Well, we'll get you a prescription and you guys can get out of here."

He had a semblance of a plan. A sense of direction that he could focus on.

"Carlisle," Charlie stood up from his post beside Bella's bed and felt his muscles creak and pop at the sudden movement. Christ, he was tense. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure." The doctor smiled and handed the chart back to the nurse.

"Bella, I'll be right back okay?" Guilt and regret knifed at his insides. Should he leave her alone? What if she decided to make a run for it? He hadn't earned her trust yet. Did she need to be part of this conversation- it was about _her_.

She only nodded in response. Still not present. Still hiding.

Charlie followed the doctor out and tried to tamp down the growing rage in his gut. He needed to keep his calm for this conversation. He needed to keep his calm for Bella.

* * *

Jasper ran hard as panic and terror and rage reeled through his mind. He hopped a dried-up riverbed and weaved through the trees as he ran.

_Bella huddled against the wall looking terrified and hurt and devastated._

Day time was safe enough- too many humans were out for any actual fighting to happen. In the daylight hours, he could let his guard down just a bit. Not so much that he was able to bond with all of the innocents he'd eventually have to cull- never that far. But far enough that he could indulge in a book or ten before night fell.

_Bella's all-consuming panic and terror._

Nighttime was dangerous for everyone, humans and vampires alike. He had to make sure Bella would be safe in this never-fucking-ending war. Her attacker was on the loose and Jasper was determined to hunt the enemy down and rip them apart, piece by piece. Nothing and no one was going to hurt his human- not the war, not Maria, and sure as shit, not another human.

_Bella was good. She was sunshine._

Jasper weaved through the trees and was unceremoniously rugby tackled into the side of a small hill. Rock and dirt exploded skyward as their impact made whole new geographical features in the terrain.

_Vampire. Enemy_.

Fuck. He hadn't been paying attention. His clan wasn't safe- _Bella_ wouldn't be safe if he didn't come out the victor in this battle. How could he be so fucking stupid?

The old mantra, the one that saw him through every night, every battle, and every interaction with his species, popped into his head as he regained his footing: _All you have to do is survive the night. Don't fucking feel. All you have to do is survive the night. Survive the night. Don't feel them die. Don't feel them die._

Jasper reacted on instinct when a pale arm came at him from the left. He stepped forward, into the vampire's space, and batted the fist away with enough force that it threw them off balance. The enemy reeled back, tried to regain their balance and threw another clumsy fist at Jasper's neck. Jasper blocked the blow with his forearm and sent a right hook to connect with the enemy vampire's jaw.

It was a solid hit but the vampire must have had a reinforced jaw because he didn't go down; just kind of stumbled around for a bit. So Jasper helped him to the ground by aiming a kick at his knee cap. It crunched under his boot and the other vampire let out a string of curses before they collapsed.

_He had to fight to survive the night- fight to win. Maria wouldn't tolerate anything less._

Jasper immediately took advantage of his attacker's prone position and went for the head. It was almost too easy to grapple them and get his arms around the enemy's head. _Don't feel them die. Don't feel them die._

He hated this part the most.

Ending yet another life.

The anguish and desperation always settled into his bones.

_But he had to fight to survive. Had to win. Maria-_

"God damnit Jasper- it's me!"

_Emmett_\- it was Emmett.

Not the enemy. He wasn't in the south- he was in… fuck maybe Oregon?

Emmett had attacked him? His friend had attacked him? No. Maybe _attacked_ was too strong a word for it. Emmett had tried to _stop_ him.

Why the fuck was Emmett trying to stop him? He'd seen the harm someone had done to Bella too. Why wasn't Emmett in a killing rage? Why was the giant trying to _stop_ him?

"Jasper, will you stop and listen for one second!" Emmet was cringing at the hold Jasper had on his throat and head and was looking about as exasperated as Jasper had ever seen him. "Stop trying to kill me for Christ's sake."

Belatedly Jasper let go and got off the other vampire.

Oh no. Oh fuck.

Fuck!

He'd blindly attacked his own clan. _His own Emmett._

_Fuck!_

Christ, he was mindless with rage. He had to get it together.

"I'm so sorry- I was… I thought you were-" What an asshole he was. Fuck, he'd attacked his best friend. His first friend outside of Pete. "There's no excuse for my behavior. God, Emmett, I apologize. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Dude, whatever." Emmett shrugged like the whole thing was negligible. "I'm not dead- though my life was flashing before my eyes for a second there. I _knew_ you were holding back when we spar- you son of a bitch." He laughed and took a playful swing at Jasper's shoulder.

"Really, Emmett, I'm sorry."

"Really, Jasper, you're forgiven."

Infuriating. Emmett never took anything seriously.

He didn't deserve to be forgiven. Didn't deserve a friend like Emmett. He didn't deserve his current life. Christ, he was such a piece of shit. He was out of control. He'd never lost it like that.

"Jasper!" Emmet smacked his shoulder and scowled at him. "Stop that." Emmett was up in his face and shaking his finger at him. "I'm the one that jumped a pissed off vampire- _I'm_ the idiot here."

"No."

"No, _you _no. We're not talking about this." The giant shifted his weight off his knees and plucked his phone out of his pocket. "May, you still there?"

"Here." Emmett thrust a phone at his face and smirked for all he was worth.

What even was happening? Emmett had tackled him- had risked life and limb- to make him answer a phone?

What the fuck?

Jasper answered automatically as he tried to mentally catch up.

"Jasper?" He knew that voice.

"Esme?" Slowly bits and pieces of Jasper fitted back into place. He was able to think again- able to comprehend what he was doing and actually see the world around him.

He was not in the south.

He was not in the southern wars.

He was not a pawn to be disposed of whenever Maria saw fit to do so.

Didn't have to fight to survive the night.

Didn't have to please Maria.

He was Jasper Cullen. He was part of a coven who didn't use him for murder or control.

"Jasper, get your ass back here!" Esme's voice was crystal clear and angry. "What are you doing?"

Emmett smirked harder, if that was possible, and looked away as if to give Jasper privacy. Like he didn't have a vampire senses and couldn't hear every word that was said.

What _was_ he doing?

It took too long for Jasper to comprehend that Emmett had called their adopted mother on him.

"Jasper, if you do this you'll take any chance Bella has at closure or revenge- or _anything_." Jasper blinked up at the sky and then towards his smirking giant of a best friend. "I know Renee deserves to die. I know honey. I know how… terrible and helpless that feels. But you can't take this away from Bella. Bella gets to make this choice- _you_ do not."

She was right.

He knew that- of course, he knew that. Why was he acting like a jackass?

"You're right." Frustration boiled in his gut as soon as he admitted the fact out loud. If he wasn't allowed to hunt down and torture Bella's abuser then what use was he? Absolutely useless.

So what the fuck was he supposed to do?


	15. Not-Bella

**Warning: there is violence in this chapter. Please don't read if that triggers you.**

* * *

"What's up, Charlie?" Carlisle turned towards him as soon as they entered the hallway and the doors swung closed.

"Bella… she's… she- Renee." _Fuck. Get it together, Swan._ He took another deep breath and squared his stance. How did he even verbalize this? "She's been abused. I don't know how long or to what extent. She thought- expected me to hit her the same way. Like I could actually-"

This wasn't about him and his feelings. This was about Bella. _Get it together, Swan!_

"And she… _panicked_… I don't know how else to explain it." _Panicked_ didn't even begin to encapsulate the sheer amount of terror and rage and sadness that had been his daughter. The event had been seared into his mind. He knew he'd have nightmares about it for the rest of his life. "I just… I need help. I need to know what to do and I thought… I thought since you had foster kids, you would know where to start."

"Oh god, Charlie," The blond doctor clasped his shoulder and shook his head. "I'm so sorry."

"I need to know what to do." Charlie's hands were pulling at his hair and he was pacing the long corridor without a conscious decision to do so. "Where do I start? How do I fix this?"

"Charlie," Carlisle stepped in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry to say— you _can't_ fix what's been done. You can only help her and be there for her from here on out."

He knew that. Fuck, did he know that— but hearing someone else confirm out loud that he wouldn't be able to go back in time and remove his daughter from her mother's care made the bottom drop out of his stomach and guilt knife up his insides.

Fuck!

"Here's what we're going to do." Carlisle clutched his shoulder in a surprisingly powerful grip and gave him a good shake. The sudden motion helped to drag him out of the inner turmoil and back to the horrible fucking present. "You said she gets panic attacks?"

"Yes," Why hadn't he recognized the beginning of a panic attack when he'd given her the truck? Was he really that dense? What the fuck was wrong with him? "She's had two—that I know of."

"Okay, well then we're going to give her something to calm her, something that'll help her with the pain in her feet and keep her calm while we complete an examination." Charlie watched the blond doctor regard him carefully. As if Carlisle was unsure how he would react. "You are going to have to be present for the whole examination, Charlie."

"Yes," He thought Charlie would abandon his child twice? "Of course I will."

"What I mean is… these examinations are… _difficult_." Carlisle shifted his weight and glanced towards the double doors. "It'll be hard for Bella and for you. We're going to be going over every single scar she has, taking a picture of it and recording how she got it—_if_ Bella is up to talking about it."

Oh, Christ. Oh fuck.

"Not only that, but we're going to be taking x-rays. And, I'm sorry to say, more often than not, in these types of cases the bones will hold the most trauma. We'll see healed brakes, fractures, and possibly even evidence of malnourishment."

"You think she—" Charlie couldn't finish the thought, rage was boiling up in his gut and making speaking impossible.

"It's possible. But Charlie," Charlie only realized that he was pacing once again when the blond doctor stepped in front of him. "It is so very important that you keep it together in there. You can't scream or scare her— you need to be present and supportive. You have to keep it together during this examination."

He could do that. Of course, he could do that. This wasn't about him or his emotions— this was about his daughter. His Bells.

"Can you do that?"

"Yes." And it was true.

Charlie would keep it together. He had to.

* * *

"Bella," Charlie re-entered the room with a tall blond man in tow. "How you feeling?"

He kept asking that. Like the answer was going to change.

She was fine.

Mortified that he witnessed one of her panic attacks. Scared that her mother was going to hear that she was in the hospital and drag her home. Embarrassed that he was making such a fuss about some scratches on her feet. And blurry, wobbly, tired and kind of delirious.

Just fucking fine.

"Fine." Bella watched his features tense and decided that she needed to come up with a different answer. He obviously didn't like that one. "I'm just tired."

The golden doctor smiled and looked at Charlie who rubbed his face and Bella assumed, on account of the flash of teeth, that he smiled too. She would have felt uneasy at his tension if she could get up the gumption to feel that too. Charlie cleared his throat and unclenched his fists, visibly relaxing.

Idly Bella thought about clenched fists and if everyone else in the world was just as aware of tension as she was.

"Well," Charlie took the seat near her bed again and gave her a smile that actually reached his eyes. "Hopefully, not two tired otherwise you'd be a bike."

"Wow." The nurse snorted delicately at the end of her bed. "I haven't heard that lame of a dad joke in years."

Belatedly Bella realized he'd made a joke and she wasn't smiling. Fuck. Bella vapidly grinned at her father and then at the nurse who was still shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"That's some of my best material." Charlie was still smiling at her but it was more of a grimace now than anything else.

"Oh, you poor thing. Having to live through the dad jokes." The nurse patted her arm sympathetically and headed for the door. "I'll be right back."

"Bella," Charlie's tension was gone from his body but the seriousness in his voice was back. "With your permission, we're going to… do an exam."

"An exam?" Her permission? Since when did her opinion matter- no, that didn't apply to Charlie. He let her speak. Was interested in the things she said- or at least it seemed to be. She had to stop seeing Renee when she looked at Charlie.

"We need to document your injuries and scars."

Her heart started pounding hard in her chest. Breath was coming in short bursts. The rush of blood in her ears was making it difficult to hear Charlie.

"What?" Her voice was a breathy squeak.

"Bella," Charlie reached for her, seemed to think better of it, and clasped his hands in front of him. "It's okay. It will be okay. I promise. I'm going to be there every step of the way."

Like that was supposed to make her feel better? He would see every single mark her mother had left on her. They would document it. Her shame. The proof of her mother's hatred.

"I'm asking you to do this because we need to make sure she'll never come near you again. We need to document the abuse so that the judge or law enforcement will be on our side."

Renee would never come near her again? _Our_ side? Charlie was on her side? What if she said no? Would he still be able to keep Renee away from her?

_How_ could she say no? She'd used up all her courage already. She couldn't trash Charlie's house, scream in his face, track blood all over his cruiser, and also tell him no. He'd said she had a choice- but _did_ she?

Charlie's eyes, the same brown as her own, looked intently at her. Pleading. Waiting for her to make a decision.

If this didn't work and Renee found out she'd told Charlie and let him document all the damage on her person… she wouldn't survive.

"What if…" Voice still too squeaky, Bella forced herself to calm. "What if it doesn't work? What if she… what if she gets mad. What if she gets me and I've… I've already done the exam. She won't like that."

It was pathetic. Charlie was the police chief. He was in charge. Renee wouldn't be able to get her if Charlie said no. Right?

"Bella," Charlie's voice was rough. "It will work. I swear it will. She won't come near you ever again. And even if the court fails us and everything falls through- we'll leave. We'll pack up and move- I won't let her touch you again. Ever."

It was difficult to breathe. Difficult to hear.

What was she doing?

Was she really going to do this?

Renee would be so angry.

Bella wouldn't survive the punishment.

Charlie hadn't hit her when she'd trashed his house. He hadn't yelled or screamed at her when she was screaming in his face. He said they would move away. He said Renee would never touch her again.

"Okay." Fuck. No- no, no, no. What was she saying? Just because Charlie hadn't hit her yet didn't mean he wasn't going to.

How could she trust him? They barely knew each other. Why was she agreeing to this? Fuck, no. Renee would be so angry. It would hurt so much if she ever got ahold of Bella again. What was she saying?

Fuck. No.

If she said no Charlie would be mad. If she said no- if she changed her mind, what would happen?

Bella opened her mouth to recall the word. To say no. No! No! NO! NO! But nothing came out.

Please no! Please! Please no. She couldn't share her shame with her father. No one could know the things she'd suffered. No one could know. If they knew- Christ if they knew, they'd hate her too.

They would see that she was just trash. Unlovable.

Charlie couldn't know. She wanted Charlie to like her.

"Thank you, Bella." Charlie again reached for her but stopped himself before he made contact. "Thank you for being so brave and for trusting me."

Trust him? The word seemed too flippant. So throw away. Trust? Is that what she was doing? Agreeing to tell all, show all- _trust_ wasn't big enough for what she was doing.

"Bella," The blond doctor stepped up to her bed and smiled. "I'm going to give you something that's going to make this whole process a bit easier, okay? It's going to help make you feel calmer."

"Okay." Another squeak.

Bella could feel herself spiraling. The machine beside her beeped faster and faster. Her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest.

What the hell was she doing?

She needed to escape. To run.

"It should work pretty quickly." He smiled as he adjusted the IV and Bella felt a small sense of ease at the sight of his smile. "Can you take a deep breath for me? A big one through your nose and hold it."

Bella did as she was told. Mostly from fear that she would be punished if she didn't but partly because the golden doctor seemed genuinely concerned.

"Good, now exhale out through your mouth- nice and slow." He stepped back from the IV and smiled. "And again. In through your nose."

Eventually, she became aware of Charlie in the seat beside her, breathing in and out with her. Her panic eased and time became hazy. The world around her softened around the edges and blurred a bit.

"That better?" The doctor was golden compared to her dark-haired father. It was like the man glowed empathy and compassion. Instead of it being discombobulating Bella found the golden glow somehow comforting. Charlie was a dark shape compared to the golden man.

"Yes."

"Okay, here's how it's going to go." It wasn't a conscious decision she'd made to stop listening. It was just something that happened.

The golden doctor was too pretty. Too glowy. It was too hard to concentrate when he glowed. She couldn't account for time as he spoke. Only knew to nod whenever it seemed she needed to reply.

It was only when they started asking about the scars on her face did she start listening again- but even then she wasn't present. It was safer to be away. A third party to what was happening. For the second time that day Bella disconnected from her body.

She wasn't Bella anymore. She sat beside Bella, moved Bella's mouth and hands like she was a puppet- but she wasn't Bella.

Couldn't be.

Not for this.

The questions weren't hard when she wasn't Bella.

Bella had been beat and hurt and maimed and burned and choked and whipped and kicked and thrown and dragged and punched and shoved and hated. It hadn't happened to her. She wasn't Bella.

Not-Bella could point out a scar and recount how she'd gotten it without batting an eye. Not-Bella could sit in the presence of Charlie and Glowy Man and not feel shame or terror.

What are these scars, Bella?

Proof that she was unlovable.

Not-Bella could tell them how she'd embarrassed her mother in a store and the woman had dragged her out by her hair and didn't stop when broken bottles cut up her bare knees and palms. She could tell them how she'd lost a big clump of hair that day to her mother's powerful grip. How she'd walked around for months after looking like she had mange.

These ones? What are these ones from Bella?

Proof that she should have died at birth.

Not-Bella could recount one of the many nights Bella's mother had stumbled home drunk and spitting mad. How the woman had screamed and cried and went on a hunt around the house trying to find the perfect tool to punish her daughter. Not-Bella could remember the lamp cord crashing down on her back again and again without breaking a sweat. Not-Bella could tell them about Bella not being able to wear shorts or tank tops and how she hated it because Phoenix was hot.

And this scar? How did you get this?

Proof that Charlie couldn't love her.

Not-Bella could describe how Bella had been late getting dinner on the table and Renee had flown into a rage. She could describe the excruciating pain of her mother holding her hand over the burner. She could describe the smell and tell them how'd she screamed and apologized and begged.

Not-Bella could tell them how she'd broken all the fingers on her right hand and how her ribs had been fractured and broken. Not-Bella could sit and allow the nurse to take photo after photo. She could watch the Glowy Man write on his clipboard and the shadow figure that was Charlie loom bigger and bigger in the corner as she talked.

It was a breeze.

It hadn't happened to _her_.

It had happened to that stupid pathetic piece of shit Bella.

* * *

"Jasper," Jasper figured that the giant was attempting to whisper but Emmett was just loud— in everything he did, he was _loud_. He couldn't whisper to save his life. "Jasper!"

"Whaaaat?" Jasper didn't know why Emmett had followed him to the hospital when he had a husband he wanted to seduce. "I'm good, Em— you don't have to be my emotional support anymore." Which sounded ungrateful— he had just tried to kill the guy. "Thank you though, I appreciate you risking life and limb."

Jasper turned back towards the sound of his human's heartbeat. Someone, he assumed Charlie, was pacing the length of the room. He could smell drugs, sweat, and the sterile smell of Povidone.

"Yeah— I'm not worried about your emotional control, Jasper. I'm saying your name so- You'll. _Stop_. Walking! Do you really want me to tackle you again?"

Well, _that_ registered. Jasper halted in the hospital hallway and turned to glare at his brother. What was the problem here? He was in control— as long as Bella didn't have another panic attack. He could distinguish the past from the present.

"What! What do you want?" It was Jasper's turn to feel exasperated. What the hell was the giant's problem?

"Not to be the _Jasper_ in this situation," Emmett waggled his eyebrows pointedly at him and glared. "But what exactly is the plan here?" Emmett drew even with him and then stepped in front of him like it would bar Jasper from getting to where he wanted to go.

"What do you mean 'be the Jasp-' no, nevermind." Jasper held up his hand and glared back and his adopted brother. "Why do you need to know the plan? Just go home."

"I need to know 'cause it looks to me like you're gonna bust in there, throw her over your shoulder, and then run off to some off the grid secret bunker."

"Why is that a bad idea? _You_ did it." Why was he being a hypocrite? Jasper had been regaled with the story of Emmett's and Edward's first meeting too many times to count. Emmett had taken one look at the auburn-haired vampire, tossed him over his shoulder, and ran off into the sunset.

"Yeah," Exasperation was all but rolling off of him. "But Edward was already a vampire and, being the mind reader that he is, was fully aware of what I intended to do." Emmett now had a hand on him as if that would keep Jasper from his human. "Even if she is down for that, her father, the police chief, is not going to be."

"What's he going to do?" Jasper scowled back and shrugged out of his hold. "Shoot me? She needs to be protected- he obviously can't protect her."

Evidenced by the years the man had spent blind, deaf, and dumb to her suffering. Jasper knew he wasn't being exactly fair but he just couldn't get the gumption to give a good god damn. Bad shit had happened to Bella while Charlie had been happily living his own life. That, in itself, was unforgivable.

"Jasper-" Emmett's exasperation was all but a separate entity at this point."I can't believe _I'm_ the one telling _you_ this: you need to be more subtle than that."

Jasper was done with waiting. He knew his course of action and he was going to do it, by god. No one would touch her. No one would get the chance. She'd be safe and happy with him in his cabin in the wilds of Canada.

It wasn't as if Jasper was just going to scoop her out of the hospital bed and hop out the window. He was going to tell her first that he was a vampire, that she wasn't safe, and would she please run away with him.

_Perfectly reasonable_.

"I don't give a shit. You didn't feel what she felt!" A small part of him was aware that he wasn't being rational but the bigger part of his just couldn't give a flying fuck. "She needs someone to protect her! If it was such a bad idea, Alice would be here to stop me. I don't see her here."

They both waited for a tense ten seconds for Alice to pop out of the woodwork as she often did.

"Let me go."

It was the only warning the giant would get.

"That doesn't prove shit!" Emmett rolled his eyes but dropped his arm. "You know she hasn't been able to see you clearly lately." His phone chimed and they both tensed for the verdict.

"What'd she say?" Jasper waited for the giant to read the text he knew had to be from Alice. Alice, in person, meant he should reconsider his actions. Alice via text message meant he was in the right.

"Fine," Emmett huffed and stepped aside. "Run off to Canada then. But I get to meet her first."

"No, you don't." It was Jasper's turn to step in front of Emmett who was now charging ahead. "She needs calm and quiet- you are neither of those things."

"Ah!" Emmett smacked Jasper's hand off his chest and looked seven shades of offended, but Jasper could feel no real hurt in his brother. "I can be calm and quiet."

"Name _one_ time you were either!"

"June fourth nineteen eighty-nine at four fifty-seven in the morning," Emmett smirked like he'd won and folded his arms across his chest. "I was both calm _and_ quiet."

"Being underwater and thus unable to talk does not count." Jasper couldn't help but smirk at his ridiculousness.

Emmett threw his hands up, obviously fed up with him, and marched off down the hall, muttering as he went. Jasper watched until he was out of sight and turned back to the double doors.

There was no tar pit of emotions pulling at him, there was no nervousness, panic, relief, pain— _anything_. Suddenly unsure that anyone was even in there, he paused to listen for the two different heartbeats in the room. Charlie's was quick and randomly sped up, the sound was accompanied by the scuff of boots against the floor. Bella's heartbeat was slow and steady, almost as if she was asleep. He could smell the drugs in her system- which accounted for the sleepy heartbeat and maybe even the static shield of numbness.

Which maybe also explained why Bella's emotions were once again blotting out every other being's emotions. Or maybe Jasper was the problem. Maybe the one goddamned thing he could do was focused solely on Bella and made him unable to feel anyone else.

Jasper refused to think on it anymore. He had a plan: get Bella somewhere safe and only return to society to hunt and torture her abuser.

First, he had to convince her to leave with him, a virtual stranger.

Charlie's head jerked up when he entered. The human's eyes were wild as he paced the length of the bed, obviously agitated, but Jasper couldn't feel him through Bella's static nothingness.

Bella laid in the hospital bed with her feet bandaged and perched on a pillow. She was pale and bleary-eyed. Like she wasn't completely aware of her surroundings. Probably the combination of emotional exhaustion and the drugs pumping through her. Her hair was loose and wild about her head in contrast to the calm neutral static all but radiating out of her.

"Bella," Jasper wanted to scoop her out of the hospital bed and run away with her- hug her- _anything_ but the nothing he was doing.

"Jasper." Surprise was in her tone but nothing changed in the blanketing neutral static. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"I..." What was the lie he was supposed to tell? She looked fragile, too fragile to do anything but rest. "I uh..."

Somehow he didn't think: _I am here to steal you from the father who failed to protect you from your monster mother and take you someplace where no one will ever hurt you again. Oh and hey, not only am I a vampire but I also have this extra ability that allows me to sense and manipulate moods and emotions- and, brace yourself because that's not even the worst part yet, I- the vampire with the least amount of control and the most amount of kills under his belt- might be addicted to you and your emotions- it's cool though because it's not like we're mates or anything. I'll get a handle on it. Eventually. Maybe-_ would smooth things over too well.

"I sprained my wrist and Jasper was being my emotional support until he saw you come in." Emmett appeared at his elbow and brandished his now braced arm around.

Jasper glared with all his glaring might at his stubborn ass of a brother, who was pointedly not looking at him.

"He ditched me so fast that my feelings were almost hurt." Emmett gripped at his heart and made a show of looking like a kicked puppy. And oh, Jasper was definitely going to kick him.

"Hi," Charlie, who had been hovering near the foot of Bella's bed, stepped forward and stuck his hand out. "I'm Charlie. You must be Jasper."

Jasper tried to remember that Charlie wasn't the abuser and that it would be unfair of him to hold Charlie accountable. But it was difficult. Jasper took the offered hand reluctantly and tried to keep his grip light. Suppressed emotions were an electric current on the human's skin. The human all but vibrated with rage, guilt, and anguish.

_Huh_. So he could maneuver around Bella's veritable force field of nothingness by touch.

"Hi," Jasper attempted to relax his features into something resembling a concerned human and not so much the murderous vampire that he actually was. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh, sorry. Dad, this is Jasper." Bella sat up in bed and motioned to him and then the vampire beside him. "And… I'm sorry, I've never actually met you."

"Emmett." He stepped forward and shook Charlie's hand when Jasper stepped back. "Jasper's best and most awesome brother."

Amusement rippled past the static wall of nothing and Jasper was suddenly glad Emmett completely ignored him.

"Nice to meet you both." The man held himself rigidly. As if he did anything less he would fall apart. "Are you guys planning on staying for a minute?"

"Yes." Long enough to convince Bella that she would love the little cabin he'd built.

"Bella," Charlie jerked his head towards the door. "I need to step out for a bit, will you be okay here with these two?"

"Yeah," Bella nodded, wild hair tumbling off her shoulders, sending her scent everywhere in the room. "I'm fine."

Charlie shot another look at him, equal parts measuring and grateful, and hurried out of the door.

"Bella," Her pupils were blown wide and she had a relaxed air about her he'd never seen before. "What happened?"

"Turns out you can't stomp around barefoot on glass." She shrugged her shoulders and smirked up at him but no amusement made it past the neutral wall of static nothing. "Who knew?" Jasper couldn't help but smirk back.

God, he liked her.

"Here," Jasper moved closer when she sat forward and reached for the pair of socks at the end of the bed. "let me help."

She sat back when he grabbed the sock from her. Jasper carefully maneuvered the sock onto her foot and smiled up at her. Her emotions came slowly to him. Instead of the intoxicating blast that filled the room instantly, they inched out of her. Something to do with the drugs most likely.

Warmth hit him first, confusion, and then an unnamed thing that rolled over him. Whatever the emotion was, it felt both warm and wildly foreign.

"Thanks," She maneuvered around him to grab the jacket on the back of the chair. "Oh wait, I practiced." She rolled her shoulders back and scrunched her eyebrows in concentration. "What in tarnation are you doing here?"

Jasper assumed that she'd done her best approximation of a southern accent, which sounded to Jasper like an eighty-year-old man with a speech impediment, and waggled her eyebrows at him. It was simultaneously the most hilarious thing he'd ever heard and the most adorable fucking thing he'd ever seen.

Sweet Jesus. How was he supposed to function when she was waggling her eyebrows and being so fucking great? Christ, he liked her. Too much.

"Grandpappy," Jasper exaggerated his own accent and tried to look as ridiculous as she had. "is that you?"

Her dark eyes lit from within and Jasper watched in awe as she threw her head back and laughed. It was another one of those soul deep emotions that rocked him to his core. Dear God, he needed to make her laugh again and again.

"Hey," Her arm shot out and pushed at his shoulder. "Not everyone was lucky enough to be born in the south—some of us actually have to work on the accent."

"No, I thought it was great." Jasper carefully fit the other sock over her bandages and tried to look earnest. She laughed again. And because he had to hear it again, Jasper kept going. "I was transported. It was like I was actually in the south."

Sunny warmth spilled out of her as she laughed for a third time. Jasper wasn't funny. Didn't know any good jokes or funny stories. What the shit had he been doing with all his time? He'd been wasting it- why had he not thought to read up on comedy?

Jasper didn't realize he was grinning from ear to ear until Emmett cleared his throat and brought reality crashing back down around him.

"Wow," Emmett made his presence known. "You two are just a couple of big ol' nerds, aren't ya?"

Her smile faded as her eyes locked on the giant. Emmett, realizing her sudden change in mood, put his hands up and waved them around.

"Sorry, didn't mean for that to come off all jackass-y." He took a small step forward and pointed an accusatory finger at Jasper. "I've just never seen him smile all _goofy_ like that. He does this brooding cowboy thing constantly and it just was… shocking."

"I don't think you're a jackass." She smiled at Emmett and the man visibly relaxed.

"Thank god," Emmett collapsed in the chair beside her bed. "Can't have a bad first impression with my future sister-in-law."

Her eyebrows shot up and Jasper barely resisted the sudden urge to strangle his adopted brother. Emmett grinned and looked decidedly smug.

"Emmy-poo?" Bella's sudden glee at the name made Jasper smile as well. He'd have to call Emmett every name the Cullen clan had for him.

"Yes," Emmett folded his hands in front of him and narrowed his eyes. "Jazzy Wazzy?"

Bella snorted and giggled, obviously even more delighted at the ridiculous nickname. Emmett grinned wider but Jasper couldn't hate the stupid nickname anymore. Hell, if it got her to smile Emmett could call him whatever he wanted.

"I think you should go home and rest." Jasper gestured to the door and glared as Emmett sighed dramatically. "You already injured yourself today, you don't want to overdo it."

"Fine," He stood, willfully oblivious to the implied threat, and directed his smile at Bella. "Nice to meet ya, Bella. Hopefully, I'll see you around and you can meet the rest of the family." Emmett waved his splinted hand and exited through the double doors.

Well, no time like the present.

"Bella," Shit, shit, shit.

Maybe not start off with the whole vampire thing. Or the magical powers that weren't magical thing either. No, she had to know what she was getting into before she could make a decision. He had to tell her what he was. But how the fuck he supposed to do that?

_I'm a vampire and I vant to suck your blood._

_Have you seen any of the Blade movies? Or read that Anne Rice series? It's kinda like that but vegetarian._

He had no good options here.

"I'm… I've got this- do you know what a… I'm..." Christ, he was shit at speaking.

"Jasper," She sat forward and blinked slowly up at him. Christ, she was pretty. "Jasper." Big brown eyes still lit from within and boring into his own.

"Bella?" She reached out and gripped his hand. Her hand was warm and small compared to his own. The scars in his pale flesh stood in stark contrast to her flawless skin.

The sight all but sucker-punched him with a tidal wave of guilt and shame.

Fuck no. What was he thinking? He should have let Rosalie do her avenging angel thing and stayed out of it. Jasper wasn't this guy- couldn't pretend to be. He'd taint her, corrupt her, most likely kill her. Just what the fuck did he think he was doing?

"Jasper," Her other hand clasped his wrist. Warmth seeped into his marble skin and spread up his arm like she'd sit him on fire.

He was a starving man being fed for the first time.

"I…" His own turbulent emotions smothered anything he'd been thinking- anything he could say.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Resolve was in the air around her. "For good, I mean. Like... we just _go_. And don't come back."

"Bella," Shock pulled his gaze from their joined hands and back to her face. Her eyebrows furrowed, her jaw set. "Are you asking me to run away with you?"

"I am." She was doing it with or without him, Jasper could almost touch the sheer resolve and determination around her.

"Yes, hell yes."

The furrow between her brows softened. Surprise hit him first, followed closely by a staggering relief that Jasper had not expected.

"Let's go." She slid off the bed and smiled broadly up at him.

He was a man dying of thirst given water.


	16. On the Lamb

**Before you start reading, please go back and reread the last chapter. I have made changes and you'll need to know what I've changed. Mostly just changed the last half of the chapter so you'll only have to reread that much.**

* * *

Where the hell were her shoes? How had she gotten into the building without shoes? Wasn't there some kind of no shoes no shirt policy? Renee would be so embarrassed and angry if Bella got in trouble for not having shoes.

Charlie had brought her in. He probably had them.

"What are you looking for, Bella?" Jasper leaned low to look under the chair, mimicking her. "I'll get it for you if you tell me what it is."

Bella sat up straight on the bed and couldn't help but stare at him. Dear God, he was pretty. He didn't glow like the golden doctor but Jasper was sharper… more in focus somehow. The world softened and blurred just a tad around him.

And maybe the drugs were affecting her if she was getting all fanciful and ridiculous.

Bella glanced at the machines around the bed and then at her arms. The I.V. and finger pincher thing were both gone but she didn't remember them being removed. Bella knew that she should have been more alarmed about not remembering—but she couldn't summon the wherewithal to do so.

Christ on a stick she needed to sleep.

What a long fucking day.

"Bella?" His dark brows were furrowed.

How could one person have that much pretty? Did he have no flaws? She could see none. Pretty dark blond hair hung low and tousled, a jawline that could make a statue cry, perfectly shaped nose—how long was too long to stare at someone?

"Bella," He glanced towards the door and Bella couldn't help but marvel at his profile. "Are you sure you want to do this? You seem a bit… out of it."

"I want—_need_ to leave." And she was going to, with or without him. "I was distracted by your face. You're insanely pretty."

She wanted to leave. To flee before she had to face her father. Not-Bella was gone and Real-Bella couldn't deal with the fallout.

"I… uh—okay." He was flustered and still too pretty. Bella had to make a concentrated effort not to look at him too long.

They were running out of time. Charlie would be back any second. Bella couldn't face him.

She needed to focus

"Okay. Okay." She didn't need shoes, she just needed to get a move on. "Okay." Bella slid off the bed and tried not to think about the sheer amount of germs and bacteria on a hospital floor. The socks would be a barrier at least.

Her feet never hit the floor. She was standing but her feet were dangling a good six inches above the floor.

Weird.

"Bella, I don't think you should walk on your feet, you might rip your stitches." It took Bella too long to realize that Jasper was holding her up and longer still to stop looking at his pale hands encircling her waist.

"You're strong _too_?" It came out more accusatory then she'd meant it to—but this was just ridiculous. Looks, brains, _and_ brawn? How was that fair to the common folk?

"I am." He was grinning. She liked it when he grinned. "How about I carry you? It'll be faster and you won't tear your stitches."

"Yeah," Bella would agree to anything if he just kept grinning like he was. "Okay. I'll climb on your back."

He set her on the bed again and shifted so she could wrap her arms around his neck. With his face pointed away, she could focus.

Hopefully.

They were on a time crunch. They had to move quickly before Charlie came back.

Charlie knew now.

She needed to run.

She needed to escape.

He knew everything. He'd seen her scars and witnessed a panic attack. She needed to leave. Before he came back before he could send her away—before he could prove that he didn't love her.

"Did you bring anything else?" Jasper did a quick walk around the room and then headed towards the swinging doors when she shook her head.

Bella knew she was a coward. But she couldn't- wouldn't be able to face her father's disappointment and disgust. She didn't want to know what he thought of her now. No. The best thing to do was to escape. With Jasper- an almost stranger.

No, that wasn't true. She knew him. He was blond, beautiful, and so very awkward. He'd made her laugh on multiple occasions. They were friends.

But more than that, Jasper was _safe_.

He'd been safe from the moment he'd produced that first aid kit in detention. He was safe because of the way he had panicked when she'd froze up; the care and concentration he'd used putting the Neosporin and bandaids on her hands.

"How good can you sneak?"

When they exited the room her heart started pounding in her chest and his reply was drowned out by the blood rushing in her head. She didn't know where Charlie was and didn't want to get caught running.

Charlie knew almost every hurt and scar and brake. He couldn't love her—not after _that_.

Even if he dog-eared and highlighted pages in parenting books.

Not when he knew.

Right?

Regret and indecision made its way back into her mind as the drugs wore off.

Goddamnit!

Charlie hadn't been what she'd expected. He'd taken her fishing and hadn't gotten frustrated when he'd had to teach her how to cast. He'd cooked her dinner and bought her a truck—no strings attached. He always asked about her day and was interested in the answer. He hadn't hit her.

She _should_ be running away, right? Bella could feel the haze lifting from her mind. Her feet throbbed and a headache started to pound to life in her temples but she could think clearly again.

"Wait." Doubt swamped her. What was she doing? Why was she hesitating? She should escape while she still had the chance.

Jasper paused in the hall and let a nurse hurry past him before he spoke. "What's wrong?"

"I…" How did she explain her crazy to him? He must think she was fucking nuts. "I don't know what to do."

"Me too." His voice was a low gravelly sound.

Bella clung to his back, mind all over the place, his hair tickling her nose. How did she even begin to explain? How could she decide to chance it and stay with Charlie? Why had Jasper said yes to her? What was she supposed to do?

"Can we..." Bella shifted and tried to brush his hair out of her face. Charlie's jacket was too big for her and the sleeves went well past her hands. Why did she have Charlie's jacket?

Tears welled and she couldn't name the feeling swelling in her chest. What the fuck was wrong with her?

"Can we get something to eat?" Bella willed her voice to steady. "I saw a sign for the cafeteria in the last hallway we were in."

It was smarter to run. To get away while she could.

Maybe she was being naive and gullible and hopeful and too stupid for her own good.

But Bella couldn't get those dog-eared parenting books out of her head.

* * *

Charlie stood in the alley beside the hospital staring at the half full big green dumpster. The sky was dark still but getting lighter, the sun was rising behind the clouds.

Bella's monotone voice recounting how'd she'd gotten each and every scar whirled through his mind.

Scars. All her scars. Christ, she had so many scars.

Her voice had been so toneless and vacant that it hurt.

Hot tears burned down his face and blurred his surroundings. Adrenaline had been running through him since the moment he'd gotten home and found her. He didn't know what to do with that shaky rage and infuriating uselessness.

How was he supposed to make it up to her?

Broken bones. Renee had broken their child's bones. Both of her arms. Her fingers- all fucking five of them on her left hand, and Bella's leg.

Charlie's knuckles split on the metal dumpster. Again and again. It wasn't enough- not nearly enough. The brick was softer but easier to hit. He punched and hit and cried.

Healed fractures. Renee kicking their baby until her ribs fractured. Hitting their child until her bones broke.

Renee had held their child's hand over a stovetop burner.

More knuckles split on the brick but he couldn't feel it. Couldn't register that he was inflicting damage on himself.

How had his child survived? How had she endured for so long?

She'd been so hurt- so betrayed by both her parents. Bella, his Bells, his baby girl- hurt and hit and alone. She'd been so alone.

He'd betrayed her.

He'd let his child face it all alone.

* * *

"I didn't know what you wanted…" Jasper placed a tray in front of her that was heaped with food. "So I got all the things."

The sound that came out of her nose was involuntary and so loud that it startled Bella into laughing. Embarrassment colored her cheeks red but it didn't last long because Jasper was laughing too. He took the bench opposite her and grinned.

"I also didn't know what you wanted to drink so…" He dug into his pockets and pulled out two different drinks.

"Jasper, I'm-" Bella watched as he produced two more drinks and placed them carefully in front of her. "Jasper..."

He held out a hand like he was about to do a magic trick and produced three more drinks.

"Seven drinks? _Only_ seven?" Bella was grinning now and arched an eyebrow at him. "That's not nearly enough!"

A grin curled the left side of his mouth up and made his eyes crinkle, all but obliterating her brain cells, and he held up a finger. After a dramatic pause, she greatly appreciated, he placed two more drinks in front of her and bowed his head.

"Wow," Bella couldn't help but laugh again. She applauded his ridiculousness and watched in fascination as he laughed. "I'll accept nine."

Again with the too pretty to be real thing. Bella just couldn't figure out how anyone got anything thought or done around him.

"You have to help me eat all this," Bella pushed the tray to the middle of the table and grabbed one of the forks. "There is no way I can eat it all by myself."

"You want the biscuits and gravy or the blueberry pancakes?"

"I'll go with pancakes."

They ate in companionable silence. Bella hadn't realized how hungry she was until she'd entered the hospital cafeteria and the early morning breakfast smells hit her. Two other people were in the large room, one of them being the cook behind the counter.

"What time is it?" It just occurred to her that time was passing- a weird thing to think but it had been a long fucking day and somehow it wasn't over yet.

"It's…" Jasper glanced at his phone. "Four thirty-seven in the morning."

Bella experienced a moment of disbelief. How had she had the time to work herself into a mental breakdown, trash Charlie's house, put herself on display by having a ridiculous panic attack, get stitched up, show and tell Charlie all the things that had ever happened to her, persuade Jasper into running away with her, and also eat breakfast? It felt like she'd lived out days, weeks, and months instead of only hours.

"So, do you prefer Jazzy Wazzy or just Wazzy?"

His features contorted as if he were in actual pain as he made a show of looking like he was in misery. Bella had to laugh at his antics.

"God, I was hoping you wouldn't remember that."

"Steel trap." She tapped on her temple and smirked at him when he smiled. He kept doing that. Smiling at her. It was discombobulating.

They sat again in silence as Bella ate and tried to come up with an explanation for her crazy. How did she explain without telling him everything? What was she even doing?

"Jasper," Bella didn't know what to say or why she'd even started talking without figuring it out first. "I… I don't know what to do."

His dark eyes fixed on hers and she felt a sense of calm that the drugs they'd given her hadn't even brought her. Jasper was _safe_, he was easy. Her friend.

"I have a chance to leave... and I'll be fine. It won't be _great_ but I won't get hurt. It'll be fine. It's what I've wanted to do since day one. I should leave- I _should_. It's the smart thing to do- the _only_ thing to do." Charlie knew now. If she was smart, she would leave. "I just... I- maybe I don't want to anymore? Maybe it'll be... okay here? I just- I don't know what to do." Everything was so tangled in her brain. "There's something big... _horrible _that he knows and I don't think I can face him. I just… I need someone to tell me what to do. What should I do?"

"You said that you won't get hurt if you leave. Has Charlie hurt you?"

"No. He hasn't."

Which was the crux of her problem.

Violence and silence she could deal with. She knew what was expected of her, how to act, what to do, where to hide- she was well versed in that world.

"I don't think he will." He'd proved it to her and the fact that she'd said it out loud meant she knew it too. "He's… I think he _wants_ me. Like... he has _parenting books_."

That fact alone was wild to her. He'd spent money on those books. He'd spent time reading them- all for _her_.

"It's been good with Charlie. He's been nice… and he like… he _talks_ to me and asks me questions about my life. He made dinner for me." Someone else making dinner for her hadn't happened since she'd… god, she couldn't remember. "He took me fishing and bought me all kinds of stuff. That big ol' truck. These socks."

Bella was frazzled and confused and now she was pointing at her socks like they could see them through the table. Tears blurred her vision and she didn't know _why_. Why was she crying over socks? They were fucking _socks_ with cartoon ducks on them and she was crying?

"I'm just… I don't know what the fuck I feel. Sad? I guess." Bella wiped at the tears and ran a hand through her tangled hair. She was frustrated and confused and too fucking tired- but she'd been feeling those since she'd arrived in Forks. "I don't want to leave but... I can't stay- not now that he knows this-this... big horrible ugly thing."

"But what if he doesn't want me now?" Her voice cracked pathetically and more tears burned tracks down her face but she was too exhausted to feel exposed and vulnerable.

Arms encircled her and Bella couldn't help but flinch at the sudden movement. It was a hug and it was sweet. Bella hugged him back as the tears continued to fall. "I don't know what to do."

Maybe she could face him and she wouldn't die of shame and humiliation. If he wanted her… maybe she could deal with that. But she wouldn't be able to stand the disgust and shame if he didn't want her. She wouldn't be able to handle the rejection.

He smelled like dirt and pine needles. Bella didn't mean to smell him- but it was _Jasper_. He was a distraction. There was a pine needle in his hair. And a leaf and some moss. Bella cocked her head back and saw that his hair had all kinds of forest stuff in it. He was covered in a layer of dirt like he'd rolled in it.

"Jasper," Bella laughed through her snot and tears. "What happened? You're covered in dirt and plants."

"Oh uh," He pulled away and sheepishly plucked the debris out of his hair. "I was wrestling with Emmet."

"You don't happen to have a tissue in those pockets, do you?" Bella, suddenly conscious of her appearance, tried not to think about what her face looked like at that particular moment.

His lip curled and Bella was once again blinded by his stupidly pretty face. He pulled a handful of napkins out of his pocket and presented them to her with a flourish. Bella laughed and attempted to _delicately_ blow her nose. She failed miserably. Hopefully, Jasper didn't notice.

"Bella," Jasper was suddenly serious. His eyebrows furrowed and a scar that cut down his nose and veered off under his left eye was highlighted by the fluorescents. He would have been intimidating if she didn't already know that he wasn't. "I don't know what you should do. But I think you should consider that I've known you for like… five days _maybe_ and I'm ready to cut and run with you. Fuck everyone else."

"I uh… Sorry?"

"No," He rubbed the back of his neck and motioned towards her with a frustrated grunt. "I'm shit at talking… you're sunshine and daisies- and I've only known you five days- and three of those days we didn't even talk."

Tears welled up again. Her face heated. Sunshine and daisies? She didn't even know what to think- how to react.

"No one could know you and _not_ want you." He had to stop. All the blood was rushing to her head- she was going to have an aneurysm.

"Jasper, stop saying nice things about me or I will snot all over you again."

"Fine," The furrow in his brow smoothed out and the scar all but disappeared. He glanced towards the double doors and scowled again, highlighting a different scar that cut over his chin and down his neck. "Whatever you decide to do, I'm serious about cutting and running with you. Say the word and we'll light a shuck out of here."

_Light a shuck?_

"Text Emmett- I'll steal his phone." He plucked his phone off the table and put it in her jacket pocket. "I think I hear your dad coming."

Light a shuck. Text Emmett. Why was he putting his phone in her jacket? Why did he have so many scars? Heard her dad coming?

"Jasper, this is your phone." She tried to pull it back out of the pocket but the sleeves were too big and she couldn't maneuver past them to get into the pocket. "You can't give me your phone."

"Bella," He put his palm out and shook his head. Bits of forest flora fell out at the motion. "You don't have a phone, Emmett uses his as a frisbee- he won't care. Won't even notice. You need a way out, this is it."

"Oh. Okay." She couldn't refute that logic, not when he was looking all concerned. "What does light a shuck mean? What is a shuck?"

Over his shoulder, Bella watched in mixed horror and relief as Charlie burst into the room. Her stomach bottomed out and a cold sweat popped up all over. She didn't know what to do yet. Jasper hadn't told her what to do. Christ, fuck- no. She wasn't ready to face him.

Maybe he wouldn't see her.

Jasper was seated in front of her and he was big. There was a chance that he wouldn't see her and she could avoid Charlie altogether.

But no. She could tell the moment he spotted her, his shoulders relaxed and his movements became less frantic. He made a beeline for her and Bella was caught, like a deer in headlights.

He knew.

He couldn't want her now. Not now that he knew.

"Bells," He halted in front of her. He looked scared. Blood thundered in her ears. A cold sweat popped up on her forehead. "I thought- I thought you'd left."

Fuck. No. No.

She was caught. She couldn't run off. She had to face his rejection and disgust.

Bella couldn't do anything but shut everything down. It wouldn't hurt if she wasn't present. She just had to endure until she had the chance to escape again. Why hadn't she run when she had the chance?

"Nope," Jasper shifted in the seat so he was between her and Charlie. "We just got something to eat."

Bella quit being present. She was good at that, hiding. All she had to do was pretend she was somewhere warm. It was warm and cozy and someone was hugging her. Hugging her like she mattered to them. All she had to do was stay there until Renee quit beating on her.

Not-Bella watched in detached disinterest as Jasper's shoulders tensed at something Charlie said. Tension was a palpable thing between them. What had she missed?

"Would you give us a minute, Jasper?" It was less of a question and more of a demand.

Jasper's shoulders tensed. For a moment she thought he would refuse. She half hoped he would.

Who would win in a fight? Charlie had a gun. Jasper had all those scars. Where had he gotten them? Had his parent put them on him like hers had?

Jasper untensed the tiniest bit and turned to look back at her. He eyed her pocket and smiled. Had his eyes always been that dark?

"Esme is probably worried about me, I should go. I'll call you, Bella."

Another scar, this one on the side of his neck was highlighted under the fluorescents, showed up when he stood and nodded at her.

"Bells," Charlie's voice was a rough sound that drew her attention from Jasper. "I thought you had run away because- and I deserve it, I know- but I'm glad you didn't- I mean... thank you for- Christ, I am fucking this up." He let out a long sigh and ran a hand down his face.

His knuckles were bloody. Who had he been hitting? Grass stains on his pants.

"I love you, Bells." It was a frank statement of fact. "I'm going to do everything I can to make you want to stay with me."

Not-Bella let his words roll off her. They were too dangerous to believe.


	17. Safer

Bella awoke to the sound footsteps on the stairs. Confusion muddled her mind. They weren't footsteps she recognized. Renee's step was a stomp in heels. Even on carpet, her mother managed to make her presence known by slapping her feet down with each step she took.

Normally, Bella would take precautions when she heard those steps. Like, hide the book she was reading so Renee wouldn't tear it up or race to find a hiding spot. But these were not those sounds. The lightfooted scuffs didn't instill fear in her mind and kickstart a panic.

"Bells?" That was Charlie's voice but it sounded different. It was higher, panicked. "Bella!"

Bella, brain foggy with pain killers, just wanted to go back to sleep. She didn't think to respond. When the footsteps hurried around the room and he kept saying her name Bella opened the closet door and poked her head out.

The light was blinding but the quickest way to get to go back to bed was to see what the mustachioed man wanted.

"Bella." The word was a whoosh of breath from his chest. Old boots walked into her line of sight before he plopped on the carpet right in front of her. "What are you doing in there?"

"Sleeping." A headache was pounding to life in her temples, her feet felt like they were on fire and her throat was dry. Jesus, why had she even woken up in the first place?

"Here," He had a glass of water in one hand and two white pills in the other. "This will make you feel better."

"Thank you." Bella took the proffered drink and downed the two pills.

"Do you normally sleep in there?" There was something weird about his voice.

Something, if Bella wasn't so hazy from the drugs, should have known to be careful of. But she was only working at fifty percent with her only thought- the only goal being that she wanted to go back to bed. Which made it difficult to remember to be cautious of him and careful of what she said to him.

"It's safer than the bed." Why didn't he know this? He was going to get beat if he didn't figure his shit out.

"Why is it safer?" Oh god, he was going to get hurt if Bella didn't set him straight. Why was he being so stupid? Concern swept through her mind and sent her in a different less go-directly-to-sleep direction. Her new goal was to make sure that Charlie would be safe enough for her to fall back asleep.

"Charlie," Her voice came out sharp and annoyed, like a reprimand. "Don't sleep in the bed. Or under it. It's too out in the open. She'll just yank you out of bed and beat you. You need to be smarter about it or you'll get us both beat."

"I- I'm sorry, Bells."

"S'okay." Bella reached over and patted his hand, she hadn't meant to be so severe. He was new to this, that much was apparent. "It's harder to get dragged out of a closet. She doesn't remember to look in closets."

He was new to this, that much was apparent. Bella placed the empty glass on the carpet and blearily watched as it toppled over and rolled just out of reach. She'd go after it later. She was too tired and her feet hurt. Why the fuck did her feet hurt so much?

"C'mon." Bella grabbed his hand and motioned towards the closet. She was positioned in the doorway so she wouldn't have to do much maneuvering around her throbbing feet to get back to bed. "You can hide in here with me."

She crawled to the end of the closet and burrowed under the comforter and clothes. She waited for him to shut the door before she closed her eyes. Her head and feet were hurting less but her mind was more muddled. Charlie… wasn't he… he was... he was new to this. She had to protect him from Renee.

He was new to this and didn't know how scary it was. The thought jarred her and Bella sat up again. Dim light spilled in from under the door and lit the wet tear tracks on Charlie's face.

"It's okay, Charlie." Bella dragged her pillow and blanket with her as she settled in beside him. "I won't let her hurt you." Bella pulled the blanket over both of them grasped his hand.

She felt… not exactly brave. The thought of her mother was still terrifying but… somehow… somehow now that she wasn't alone. Now that she had someone to protect… it was manageable? A controlled terror. Bella couldn't get her hazy thoughts to order correctly.

The only thought that formed correctly before she nodded off was that maybe it was all just less terrifying when she wasn't alone.

* * *

**It a short one I know but bear with me here. More to come soon. Thanks for sticking around this long.**


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